I really thought that the hardest thing that I had to face this week was my Chem final. The three hour long test that's worth 40% of my grade; the hardest most complicated problems they can come up with to make you doubt every move you make. I made it through Saturday's night final with minimal damage. It was even fun, afterwards. 4 hours of hot cocoa, smores, and Wii.
Then a small movie night with Glee and Jackie Chan's Adventures and oversleeping.
The only thing I'd had to worry about this morning was editing some essays, and practice for my singing final. Math's wasn't until Friday.
I finally recieved my sword today.
I have plans to watch Wicked after break.
I'll get to go shopping for Christmas gifts tomorrow with friends.
I'll get to come home after one week.
But my view has shifted slightly. It just won't seem as exciting, and merry anymore. Like there's a pane of glass blocking, numbing the impact of every emotion. But behind the glass -
I took a long walk today
And I played the piano, for a good two and a half hours.
All the time for me to think things through, how to comfort my mom now insteading of needing her to hold up everything.
My cousin made a really good choice though, when she decided not to tell me anything until after my final today. I might have been a bit too worried and nervous otherwise to even sing correctly. As if I wasn't nervous about sight singing enough by itself.
So- my grandma had a heart attack, or something related to that yesterday morning. It's a rather critical condition; she's in ICU, but my mom and aunts and uncles have all found the earliest flights to Hong Kong. They'll all be there by tomorrow. They're all afraid.
It's been rather ironic. The fact that they have been planning to visit this winter. Only, not because of this, not in this way.
I think I can be slightly thankful though. That it will be Christmas break, and I will soon be able to get through this with family and friends, very very soon.
A lot has happened this year to all of us. So much change.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Zach - A Day in the Life
So I don't know if I have mentioned this before or not, and as it is midnight I do not particularly feel like looking back on my former posts, I will tell you again, for the first time. I have created some "academic" goals for myself, some of which have been completed. I set out to see the stars under the Star Trees, which are the biggest trees on any college campus, I think. I also want to follow squirrel until I find where the squirrels hide the pocket change. But today's academic goal is a different one. Today, I will experience an entire day, starting now. I will be awake for all of Sunday.
I will be up from midnight to midnight, no sleeping. and I will get to experience an entire day, from end to end. I am kinda excited, even though this means I won't be sleeping for a while. I will be letting you know how this goes when the day ends, until then, I'll be staying awake.
So the twenty-four hours are up. And I meant to write the end of this seventeen hours ago, but then I discovered I was tired and had three finals today. So I went to bed and slept for twelve hours.
The twenty-four hours passed really quickly. I started off by finishing a short story for my creative writing class final, which I think turned out fairly well, not the best, but certainly not bad. Whenever I got tired I played a game of hand ping-pong with one of the several other people who were staying awake with me. It was nice.
After I finished my short story at like two or three in the morning, we watched the Office nonstop until like ten thirty or eleven. After that we went out to get doughnuts at King Doughnuts. Old-fashioned maple doughnuts. Seventy cents of deliciousness.
Next was a shower. Not only did this help me stay awake, it was needed. Enough said.
Then we all met up again and we did homework/I worked on writing a children's book. I didn't get as far as I wanted, but I will be done by the time I leave school.
I don't even know where the time went, but it was a lot of fun staying up with everyone, we hung out and watched a lot of the Office, which was the closest I got to sleeping. There were only four out of the original eight who made it all the way, the other four fell asleep during the Office or for no reason whatsoever, except maybe lack of sleep.
We went to dinner which everyone was awake for, although it would have been hilarious if someone fell asleep at dinner.
Then me and my friend Lauren went to church. I was awake for all of it, but I had to make sure Lauren stayed awake. She did, but she almost fell asleep a few times.
We ended the night with Midnight breakfast. My school hold breakfast the night before finals from ten to midnight, I got some chocolate pancakes and it was awesome.
Then I finally went to sleep. It was a nice day. :)
Just a side note. My finals three finals today went pretty good, not amazing, but pretty good. I think I got a C in piano, but who cares about that class, hopefully an A in Creative Writing, and I think I got a B in Psychology, and if I did then I get a B+ in the class, but if I am lucky enough to have gotten an A then I think I get an A- in the class, which would be awesome. Four finals down, two to go. :)
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Jessica (AJ) - The Best Advice
It's finally December! Sorry Heaven, but yes, I'm one of those that enjoy the cold weather. There are cosy blankets to look forward to and hot cocoa, people to huddle in circles with, and winter break!
So I've just recuperated from some horrific massive studying for my last and final Chem midterm and Wushu belt testing. Saturday, I decided to let myself relax just a little bit. I just came back from a day of filming with a couple of friends at some abandoned military building ... yes, it sounds slightly dangerous and is a bit on the trespassing side of things. However, it looks like a genuine scene and our worst case scenario(avoiding police) did not occur so, everything went well. Never had I wanted to have taken photography in high school more. My friend Sue and I only had about 10 minutes to learn all the info about shutter speeds, light, exposure, ect. then off to the set. Although it was crew work, such as audio, props, and I happened to end up as stunt double for trials, it was amazingly fun. We shot about 10 scenes for an action movie trailer and ended with a just-for-fun photoshoot. And everyone discovered that I had a rather menacing glare- but I guess you guys all know about that already. ^-^ I'd love to post pictures, but unfortunately I don't have the camera that took them.
The rest of my Saturday was spent going to a Wushu banquet to celebrate the end of the semester and almost the end of testing. Naturally, we had dinner at a Chinese restaurant. My fortune said.
" Your closest friends will give you great advice this week."
I plan to find you people online very soon.
The rest of the evening was spent at Yogurtland where I bought my largest cup of frozen yogurt yet- worth $5.65 and came with a free T-shirt for my efforts. And Wushu, eventually watching the Kung Fu video footage from the 50's and 70's when they had amazing forms and kung fu moves. There's one form where they teach their children :
1 - Break rocks over their heads.
2 - Lie under a sheet of long wood with 72 iron boxes placed over this wood and still survive.
3- Bend and break a spear using the throat.
4- Use their son's head to crack walnuts.
They have animals forms like eagle, serpent, tiger, dog, mantis and monkey, but also drunken fist, duck and that one I mentioned above, which are crazy and unbelievable.
The whole thing is quite epic. I would really like to show it to you if I have a chance. This was my Saturday so far. I want to wish that every weekend would be so eventful but still, this is Berkeley. Schoolwork always comes first and my main priority is to finish an essay by Thursday, and review for my Chemistry, Music and Math finals. I shall see how much I can accomplish when I truely set my mind to it. Let these two weeks be productive as I study for finals; my reward, we'll reunite for a nice, long, relaxing winter break.
I'll see everyone soon!
I have my next semester's schedule hopefully, I'm taking:
- Organic Chem w/ 5 hours of lab and discussion
- Asian American Studies- English
- Music Theory
- Calculus 2
- Wushu
- Erhu
- Chinese
So I've just recuperated from some horrific massive studying for my last and final Chem midterm and Wushu belt testing. Saturday, I decided to let myself relax just a little bit. I just came back from a day of filming with a couple of friends at some abandoned military building ... yes, it sounds slightly dangerous and is a bit on the trespassing side of things. However, it looks like a genuine scene and our worst case scenario(avoiding police) did not occur so, everything went well. Never had I wanted to have taken photography in high school more. My friend Sue and I only had about 10 minutes to learn all the info about shutter speeds, light, exposure, ect. then off to the set. Although it was crew work, such as audio, props, and I happened to end up as stunt double for trials, it was amazingly fun. We shot about 10 scenes for an action movie trailer and ended with a just-for-fun photoshoot. And everyone discovered that I had a rather menacing glare- but I guess you guys all know about that already. ^-^ I'd love to post pictures, but unfortunately I don't have the camera that took them.
The rest of my Saturday was spent going to a Wushu banquet to celebrate the end of the semester and almost the end of testing. Naturally, we had dinner at a Chinese restaurant. My fortune said.
" Your closest friends will give you great advice this week."
I plan to find you people online very soon.
The rest of the evening was spent at Yogurtland where I bought my largest cup of frozen yogurt yet- worth $5.65 and came with a free T-shirt for my efforts. And Wushu, eventually watching the Kung Fu video footage from the 50's and 70's when they had amazing forms and kung fu moves. There's one form where they teach their children :
1 - Break rocks over their heads.
2 - Lie under a sheet of long wood with 72 iron boxes placed over this wood and still survive.
3- Bend and break a spear using the throat.
4- Use their son's head to crack walnuts.
They have animals forms like eagle, serpent, tiger, dog, mantis and monkey, but also drunken fist, duck and that one I mentioned above, which are crazy and unbelievable.
The whole thing is quite epic. I would really like to show it to you if I have a chance. This was my Saturday so far. I want to wish that every weekend would be so eventful but still, this is Berkeley. Schoolwork always comes first and my main priority is to finish an essay by Thursday, and review for my Chemistry, Music and Math finals. I shall see how much I can accomplish when I truely set my mind to it. Let these two weeks be productive as I study for finals; my reward, we'll reunite for a nice, long, relaxing winter break.
I'll see everyone soon!
I have my next semester's schedule hopefully, I'm taking:
- Organic Chem w/ 5 hours of lab and discussion
- Asian American Studies- English
- Music Theory
- Calculus 2
- Wushu
- Erhu
- Chinese
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Heaven: December... Again
God, I hate this weather. It's cold. It's dark outside. It will be wet. I wish everything could be warmth and sunshine all the time. But you know how it goes. I start complaining about the weather and the bird migrations. I get sad and depressed. I start thinking-- scratch that-- I start brooding. I know that you all are fans of fog and rain and clouds, jumping in puddles and the whatnot, but it's just not for me.
I'm in for another long winter.
I'm in for another long winter.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Anna: ringringringringringringring.....
I have myself an idea.
To get myself out of this three month long rut of depression I've been in, I'm going to try something new (besides therapy, which I'm still waiting for). Many times when I walk around I see odd/interesting/entertaining posters, people, and grafitti. I figure if I take pictures of these or write them down somewhere and save them, I can look over at them later and smile. The same idea goes for newspaper articles and comics. I'm going to start a little scrapbook, if you will, or a collage of this stuff. I think it'll be good. It'll be a little MLIA all the time.
By the way, I chose my classes for next term. I'm taking Sustainability again (its a year long class), German 202, Japanese 102, and Psychology as a Social Science. Four classes. 18 credits. I wanted to try to get a job next term too to earn some money to pay for school in the spring. I don't know why I do this to myself. I also realized that when teachers release their lists of books needed, I'll still be in California. Which means unless there's an act of God, I'm buying all my books from the bookstore at full price.
But I don't want to depress myself tonight. I'll try to stay calm and end Thanksgiving on a good note. But really though, thank God for creativity. And senses of humor.
To get myself out of this three month long rut of depression I've been in, I'm going to try something new (besides therapy, which I'm still waiting for). Many times when I walk around I see odd/interesting/entertaining posters, people, and grafitti. I figure if I take pictures of these or write them down somewhere and save them, I can look over at them later and smile. The same idea goes for newspaper articles and comics. I'm going to start a little scrapbook, if you will, or a collage of this stuff. I think it'll be good. It'll be a little MLIA all the time.
By the way, I chose my classes for next term. I'm taking Sustainability again (its a year long class), German 202, Japanese 102, and Psychology as a Social Science. Four classes. 18 credits. I wanted to try to get a job next term too to earn some money to pay for school in the spring. I don't know why I do this to myself. I also realized that when teachers release their lists of books needed, I'll still be in California. Which means unless there's an act of God, I'm buying all my books from the bookstore at full price.
But I don't want to depress myself tonight. I'll try to stay calm and end Thanksgiving on a good note. But really though, thank God for creativity. And senses of humor.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Eric: It's a weird job...
hey grammar... DEFY!
I don't need a lot of things, but those things do help a lot when the time comes around that I could use them.
I'm not your typical student, let alone your typical person.
I've beaten my body up to the point where my bones aren't strong enough to withstand a good size jump. I won't break my legs or anything, but I ALWAYS feel it in the morning. Then, of course, there's my Orville Redenbacher pop walk... I can't walk around with sounding like movie-ready popcorn half the time. :/
I'm a failure in a lot of senses, it's too bad none of them matter then i might list them... but since they don't... i won't.
i'm not without a conscience. I'll lie awake for hours knowing that by doing even the most minuscule thing, i ruined someone's day.
i can't stand will ferrel.
where is all this leading to?
pretty much my vendetta to save the world... not from will ferrel.
i wonder if i could stand being the world's most hated man :o
just a query...
how am i going to save the world you might ask?
with a splash of 5150.
:P
Friday, November 6, 2009
Anna: "When you grow up, your heart dies"
So I felt like I should update everyone on my life, and seeing as how I don't want to explain this ten thousand times.....
I made an appointment for a counselor today. So hopefully, if everything works out, I'm going to start going to therapy. Why? Because I need it. I've needed it for years. Its a shame that I only realized last night how fucked up I really am. So hopefully I can get some help and quit feeling so depressed and borderline suicidal all the time.
My first appointment isn't until December 10, the last day of finals, which is nerve-wracking. I'm counting on next weekend's retreat to keep me going for the rest of November before I go into the session and then come home for Christmas.
But besides that. I have yet to start my homework for this weekend, because my emotional breakdown came at such a perfect time as to render me incapable of feeling motivation for anything. I'm counting on making a sad effort tomorrow to get stuff done for Monday. Of course this is when I have a big project due in my Sustainability class.
I would like to make a huge shout-out to Heaven here, because if it weren't for her last night I have no idea what state I'd be in right now. Thank you so much. My roommate is still blissfully unaware.
On a happier note, there's a retreat next weekend. The Leonid Meteor Shower is right after that, which I hope to God I'll be able to see (if its raining that night I might just lose it completely). And I went clothes shopping yesterday, which means another laundry-free day in my week.
Anyway, I don't have much else I want to say other than that. Can't wait to see you all at Christmas.
I made an appointment for a counselor today. So hopefully, if everything works out, I'm going to start going to therapy. Why? Because I need it. I've needed it for years. Its a shame that I only realized last night how fucked up I really am. So hopefully I can get some help and quit feeling so depressed and borderline suicidal all the time.
My first appointment isn't until December 10, the last day of finals, which is nerve-wracking. I'm counting on next weekend's retreat to keep me going for the rest of November before I go into the session and then come home for Christmas.
But besides that. I have yet to start my homework for this weekend, because my emotional breakdown came at such a perfect time as to render me incapable of feeling motivation for anything. I'm counting on making a sad effort tomorrow to get stuff done for Monday. Of course this is when I have a big project due in my Sustainability class.
I would like to make a huge shout-out to Heaven here, because if it weren't for her last night I have no idea what state I'd be in right now. Thank you so much. My roommate is still blissfully unaware.
On a happier note, there's a retreat next weekend. The Leonid Meteor Shower is right after that, which I hope to God I'll be able to see (if its raining that night I might just lose it completely). And I went clothes shopping yesterday, which means another laundry-free day in my week.
Anyway, I don't have much else I want to say other than that. Can't wait to see you all at Christmas.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Heaven: Hearts Like Birds
"The Prophet said, 'Those whose hearts are like the hearts of birds will enter Paradise."
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my spirituality. I believe in God. I believe that God is everywhere, but at the same time, he is nowhere. He cares about his creations, but will do nothing to help them. I believe in the Earth because God has given her life and a purpose, to nurse and to nurture. I believe in positive thought, but not answered prayers. If I want something, God cannot simply grant it to me-- I must work for it.
I know I am a hypocrite. I claim Love and Acceptance, but have a hard time accepting people who claim the same thing but do not act on it. Does this mean that I am becoming one of them, like one of the "stereotypical Christians." I love everything they do not love, but I do not accept their intolerance. I am intolerant of intolerance.
Everything is a paradox.
But I have always wanted to be a bird, so now I must strive to have a heart like a bird. I do not desire to enter Paradise-- I believe I'm going in the ground when I die, to become sustanance for the life that will continue on after me. I don't necessarily want to be remembered worldwide for any great deeds (unless you consider being the leader of the social revolution and dying a martyr a great deed), but simply as a good person by the people I love.
But how can I be a good person when I cannot accept entirely? I can be tolerant, but that is not accepting.
"May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect."
Everything is a contradiction. Everything is uncertain.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my spirituality. I believe in God. I believe that God is everywhere, but at the same time, he is nowhere. He cares about his creations, but will do nothing to help them. I believe in the Earth because God has given her life and a purpose, to nurse and to nurture. I believe in positive thought, but not answered prayers. If I want something, God cannot simply grant it to me-- I must work for it.
I know I am a hypocrite. I claim Love and Acceptance, but have a hard time accepting people who claim the same thing but do not act on it. Does this mean that I am becoming one of them, like one of the "stereotypical Christians." I love everything they do not love, but I do not accept their intolerance. I am intolerant of intolerance.
Everything is a paradox.
But I have always wanted to be a bird, so now I must strive to have a heart like a bird. I do not desire to enter Paradise-- I believe I'm going in the ground when I die, to become sustanance for the life that will continue on after me. I don't necessarily want to be remembered worldwide for any great deeds (unless you consider being the leader of the social revolution and dying a martyr a great deed), but simply as a good person by the people I love.
But how can I be a good person when I cannot accept entirely? I can be tolerant, but that is not accepting.
"May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect."
Everything is a contradiction. Everything is uncertain.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Jessica (AJ): When the Zombies had an extra hour to play
Technically, I guess daylight savings began after 1:59am this morning..so Halloween lasted the same as always- however the drunk people around campus now have more time to recover I suppose. Not to worry, despite the abundance of parties, I didn't do anything but dress up, get candy, and play video games. My friends and I did get a spontaneous invitation to a party when we tried to get candy from one of the houses though.
I hope everyone else had a safe and fun Halloween! I saw a lot of pictures, and between costumes and free Chipotle, it looked like a good time. One more month until Thanksgiving! And a little bit more until Christmas! I can not wait until we all get together again.
I read your blog Yvette- my life isn't really that exciting either, I'm a bit of a hermit compared to the rest of the people in the dorms. What a surprise....
There's also another Chem midterm coming up, so I shall be doing that endless routine of studying again.
There are a couple of perks though. Next semester I might be starting on a weapon in Wushu. I'm thinking about getting either a staff or a long sword. ^-^
November 8, Berkeley will be trying to break the world record for the longest California roll- and I'll be participating- and eating the finished product.
I've managed to find some good friends to share an apartment with so that I won't be homeless this coming summer. As much as I think the hobos are friendly, living with them is where I draw the line.
I don't know what to say. This is mostly an update of what I'm looking forward to now that half the semester is over.
Good LUCK on midterms for those who have it soon!
I hope everyone else had a safe and fun Halloween! I saw a lot of pictures, and between costumes and free Chipotle, it looked like a good time. One more month until Thanksgiving! And a little bit more until Christmas! I can not wait until we all get together again.
I read your blog Yvette- my life isn't really that exciting either, I'm a bit of a hermit compared to the rest of the people in the dorms. What a surprise....
There's also another Chem midterm coming up, so I shall be doing that endless routine of studying again.
There are a couple of perks though. Next semester I might be starting on a weapon in Wushu. I'm thinking about getting either a staff or a long sword. ^-^
November 8, Berkeley will be trying to break the world record for the longest California roll- and I'll be participating- and eating the finished product.
I've managed to find some good friends to share an apartment with so that I won't be homeless this coming summer. As much as I think the hobos are friendly, living with them is where I draw the line.
I don't know what to say. This is mostly an update of what I'm looking forward to now that half the semester is over.
Good LUCK on midterms for those who have it soon!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Yvette: My Boring Life
So I'm pretty much extremely upset that you guys all have these interesting lives while mine is pretty much more boring than it was when I was in high school.
And all of your blogs are written all nicely because basically everyone in this group is somehow poetic even when they're not trying to be....and I just talk. I've been waiting until I had something epic to say but to my dismay, nothing of the sort has come up.
So here I am....writing, because I haven't yet, and I figure there's no time like the present...plus I'm avoiding homework. I rented a Halloween costume, it's some Grecian styled dress....today my dad took the container with the cream cheese frosting that we use for banana bread muffins to work because he thought it was his lunch. It was apparently in the same type of container or something....I'm sure you all understand my grief at this terrible topic because cream cheese frosting goes bad outside of the fridge, so now I have no frosting for my banana bread muffins.
I'm pretty peeved.
lol. I'm such a loser, this blog was pretty much worthless, sorry for wasting however much time it took you to read this out of your life.
I miss you guys.
Come home :/
xoxo (lol, I remember thinking that meant something along the lines of mysterious or anonymous because I wrote a note to this guy in 5th grade about how he was a really mean person and how he shouldn't have said the things he said blah blah blah, and I ended it with xoxo thinking it was like a secret code name or something....random story of the day)
And all of your blogs are written all nicely because basically everyone in this group is somehow poetic even when they're not trying to be....and I just talk. I've been waiting until I had something epic to say but to my dismay, nothing of the sort has come up.
So here I am....writing, because I haven't yet, and I figure there's no time like the present...plus I'm avoiding homework. I rented a Halloween costume, it's some Grecian styled dress....today my dad took the container with the cream cheese frosting that we use for banana bread muffins to work because he thought it was his lunch. It was apparently in the same type of container or something....I'm sure you all understand my grief at this terrible topic because cream cheese frosting goes bad outside of the fridge, so now I have no frosting for my banana bread muffins.
I'm pretty peeved.
lol. I'm such a loser, this blog was pretty much worthless, sorry for wasting however much time it took you to read this out of your life.
I miss you guys.
Come home :/
xoxo (lol, I remember thinking that meant something along the lines of mysterious or anonymous because I wrote a note to this guy in 5th grade about how he was a really mean person and how he shouldn't have said the things he said blah blah blah, and I ended it with xoxo thinking it was like a secret code name or something....random story of the day)
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Emily: Even Artichokes Have Hearts
This is my first entry since my life is pretty boring compared to everyone else's it seems =]
I started out my Merced College semester pretty jazzed. I was excited for the classes and the new environment. But I guess the excitement has worn off by now. It surprisingly feels lonely at college at times. I know of about three people that go to Merced with me but I never see them around. I thought maybe I could have a repeat like my freshman year in high school and befriend a handful of people... but now it's nearing the end of October and I have yet to make any new friends. I'm convinced that I'm constantly comparing everyone to the friends I already have/had and I keep looking for someone to fill that empty void of all my friends. I have tried to talk to people before but it never gets anywhere. I keep hearing stories of how all of my friends have made friends already in their new college environment and honestly, I envy them. I've already chosen my classes for the next semester and all I have to do is wait to see if I could get into any of them. Hopefully my luck will change.
I suppose I can try contacting people I know that are still in Turlock but I never hung out with those people outside of school. I'm afraid it would be just to awkward. But I guess that's another reason why I have an extremely hard time making friends: I'm far too shy to take risks like that.
Kevin has been the only one I've been "hanging out" with. I mean I should be thankful that at least I have someone, but it still feels weird to me to be talking to only one person outside my immediate family on a regular basis.
I don't miss high school, but I do miss the interaction I had with people everyday.
In other news, I looked up Jacksonville, Arizona on google maps one day. It doesn't exist. Stephanie Meyer lies. Also, I officially crept out of my artistic "dry spell" as you might say it. I'm finally drawing up stuff outside of classes and let me tell you- it's good to be back.
I started out my Merced College semester pretty jazzed. I was excited for the classes and the new environment. But I guess the excitement has worn off by now. It surprisingly feels lonely at college at times. I know of about three people that go to Merced with me but I never see them around. I thought maybe I could have a repeat like my freshman year in high school and befriend a handful of people... but now it's nearing the end of October and I have yet to make any new friends. I'm convinced that I'm constantly comparing everyone to the friends I already have/had and I keep looking for someone to fill that empty void of all my friends. I have tried to talk to people before but it never gets anywhere. I keep hearing stories of how all of my friends have made friends already in their new college environment and honestly, I envy them. I've already chosen my classes for the next semester and all I have to do is wait to see if I could get into any of them. Hopefully my luck will change.
I suppose I can try contacting people I know that are still in Turlock but I never hung out with those people outside of school. I'm afraid it would be just to awkward. But I guess that's another reason why I have an extremely hard time making friends: I'm far too shy to take risks like that.
Kevin has been the only one I've been "hanging out" with. I mean I should be thankful that at least I have someone, but it still feels weird to me to be talking to only one person outside my immediate family on a regular basis.
I don't miss high school, but I do miss the interaction I had with people everyday.
In other news, I looked up Jacksonville, Arizona on google maps one day. It doesn't exist. Stephanie Meyer lies. Also, I officially crept out of my artistic "dry spell" as you might say it. I'm finally drawing up stuff outside of classes and let me tell you- it's good to be back.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Eric: Things I've learned and a few comments...
MJC is an interesting place to attend. To say a little bit about my experience I'll tell you that I have more fun with my professors than they do with me. I've made my Philosophy professor scared to call on me, showed my Psychology professor proof that I was "god" (I wonder who remembers me proving that :o), reader's theater has also been a lot of fun... there's nothing like seeing the reaction of a student body after you drop the F-Bomb 15 times and flip them off in under fifteen minutes when you are on stage. On an nonacademic note, the other day i went to my 8:00 AM class just to find out the class had been cancelled for the day. NOT GOOD. I had to wait in my car for about for a bit more than three hours. The car is frail and also felt as if the top would blow off any minute during the storm... It also leaked... a lot. Needless to say I went completely stir crazy. I was bored enough to start fogging up the windows playing tic-tac toe and counting off the minutes I had been clammed up in there. I still have no idea what I want to be my major, let alone what college I want to attend after MJC. Anyway, I thought I would give a small list of the things I have learned throughout my years. Granted some of you may have seen this on my other profiles, but I thought it would be appropriate for this place.
Why they call it a finger,
25 divided by 5 is 14,
the idea of originality,
slightly offensive hobos are very deep,
blindfolds are not user friendly... neither are screen doors,
slack lines are unforgiving,
i can't stop john cena so i should stop trying,
skittles are not the best way to get out of a slump,
sometimes the people that freak you out when you first meet them end being your best friend or
something more,
you don't need three hands to do three things on guitar at once,
modesto tends to be a land of mystical misadventure,
new versions of an old scene are way too common,
saying "NO" fiercely after someone says "excuse me" is very enjoyable,
don't think that no one cares because I always care,
if you curse and put the F word in your high school paper on censorship the grader will be too astonished to fail you,
there are 3,002 sides to a coin,
the paint is dry when i say it's dry,
I still find the letter "y" to be pompous and easy to dislike,
the answer to all my problems CAN be found in a box of french fries,
if you order a kids meal with a milkshake at BK you get a brownie and nothing else,
if you signal your uncle for a help at a bus stop he will wave back and keep driving,
don't put M&M's on layaway... there's a minimum balance policy,
don't play with the newton balls at the flea market you'll get them tangled up,
if you take directions from an mjc student go the other way,
getting a bus door closed on you is awkward for everyone involved,
if you are trying to tell the trix rabbit that they sell trix cereal at the store then you are probably high,
putting your arm in a cylinder of oil is the most awkward thing you can feel,
lionsault hulk hogan leg drop chokeslam walls of jericho and my dog does not a compelling story make,
move your leg before closing a car door,
if you run 5-6 miles to get to an orientation you will have plenty of space to yourself,
people you meet outside of movie theaters can connect you with Beatrix Lestrange (i think that's right, harry potter thing),
men riding dragons throwing wolves at maggots is strong rhetoric,
don't be disheartened by marks on a paper,
a wild tangent is a wild ride,
DESERTS DON'T BREED,
when a Chihuahua-Terrier mix eats the doggy treats on the dryer he will EARN his potbelly,
since dogs sniff other dogs butts to get a sense of who that dog is then when a dog sniffs his own butt
he is on a journey of self discovery,
the great wall of china does not need a 50 foot karate choppin' robotic santa claus,
a lot of money is wasted on useless studies,
playing guitar on the street doesn't guarantee a steady income,
playing guitar on the street to scrounge enough money for the prom does not work out well,
talking to a disabled man on the bus will earn you 1 dollar and ultimately bail out your family when the car breaks down,
asking a guy to sell you something can result in getting an Ibanez Smashbox for 20 dollars and a jam session with a monster mash guitar player,
putting a starburst in the microwave enhances deliciousness,
talking about a movie can coerce a former wrestler to converse with you,
foreign guitar players are very open to being presented as a guitar god,
belief in yourself is crucial but a little help from other never hurt,
illogical is subjective,
chickens tend to be a reoccurring theme in my life,
pinatas have it worse than you,
there nothing like hugging someone close to you... whether you know them or not,
holding a significant other can be very time consuming,
too many people feel that they are alone,
not enough people feel good about themselves,
everyone could take the time to understand life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it.
Life is good.
Peace.
the answer to all my problems CAN be found in a box of french fries,
if you order a kids meal with a milkshake at BK you get a brownie and nothing else,
if you signal your uncle for a help at a bus stop he will wave back and keep driving,
don't put M&M's on layaway... there's a minimum balance policy,
don't play with the newton balls at the flea market you'll get them tangled up,
if you take directions from an mjc student go the other way,
getting a bus door closed on you is awkward for everyone involved,
if you are trying to tell the trix rabbit that they sell trix cereal at the store then you are probably high,
putting your arm in a cylinder of oil is the most awkward thing you can feel,
lionsault hulk hogan leg drop chokeslam walls of jericho and my dog does not a compelling story make,
move your leg before closing a car door,
if you run 5-6 miles to get to an orientation you will have plenty of space to yourself,
people you meet outside of movie theaters can connect you with Beatrix Lestrange (i think that's right, harry potter thing),
men riding dragons throwing wolves at maggots is strong rhetoric,
don't be disheartened by marks on a paper,
a wild tangent is a wild ride,
DESERTS DON'T BREED,
when a Chihuahua-Terrier mix eats the doggy treats on the dryer he will EARN his potbelly,
since dogs sniff other dogs butts to get a sense of who that dog is then when a dog sniffs his own butt
he is on a journey of self discovery,
the great wall of china does not need a 50 foot karate choppin' robotic santa claus,
a lot of money is wasted on useless studies,
playing guitar on the street doesn't guarantee a steady income,
playing guitar on the street to scrounge enough money for the prom does not work out well,
talking to a disabled man on the bus will earn you 1 dollar and ultimately bail out your family when the car breaks down,
asking a guy to sell you something can result in getting an Ibanez Smashbox for 20 dollars and a jam session with a monster mash guitar player,
putting a starburst in the microwave enhances deliciousness,
talking about a movie can coerce a former wrestler to converse with you,
foreign guitar players are very open to being presented as a guitar god,
belief in yourself is crucial but a little help from other never hurt,
illogical is subjective,
chickens tend to be a reoccurring theme in my life,
pinatas have it worse than you,
there nothing like hugging someone close to you... whether you know them or not,
holding a significant other can be very time consuming,
too many people feel that they are alone,
not enough people feel good about themselves,
everyone could take the time to understand life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it.
Life is good.
Peace.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Anna: A Eulogy
So I'm 75 pages into the Odyssey. My grandma passed away last night, God rest her soul, and school has unsurprisingly lost all meaning. I am now unenthusiastic about everything save the long awaited trip home. The precious two weeks when I can be reunited with my comrades and continue on as if I'm not living my life away from them. As if there isn't this giant hole where they used to be.
Its hard to make friends here. Given that I have a personality as outgoing as a rock, given that everyone here has the inexplicable ability to bond at first sight, given that I don't want anyone to even try to replace the friends I have....after a month of being here, I'm still in the same clamshell I was sealed in for all of freshman year in high school. It was like this during my first year at Sacred Heart, too. Maybe this is a pattern in my life. Almost complete emotional and physical solitude for "The First Years."
I remember when I called my grandma "Mary Grandma," when she drove me to the library every Wednesday, when she was strong enough to work in her enormous, beautiful garden. I've never encountered a garden I like more that hers and Grandpa's. What they did to it was just amazing.
I remember when she taught me how to make "Wacky Cake" how she'd set out her boxful of spools and I'd build a spool civilization with spool people and spool cars and spool buildings. I remember her listening to the News Hour with Jim Leherer while hooking a rug. Her walking with my down Navajo to pick blackberries. Her making cinnamon rolls and biscuits for me in the mornings, me combing her hair with that green fine-toothed comb.
I remember Grandpa working in his wood shop in the garage, making toys for me. I remember the pond he built in th backyard, I remember the slides he'd show of lilies and birds. I remember the cards they'd send us. He'd draw the picture and grandma would write....I remember grandpa and I going to Richfield.....Grandma, Grandpa and I going to "the blue house in the woods" with the back bedroom that had that wonderful fish comforter. I remember the trips to Great Uncle Bill's Airfield, seeing the airplanes he restored, be pulled around the runway in a little red wagon.
I remember when I first met my oldest friend. I cleaned the horse stalls for him because I enjoyed it. I rode the horses sometimes. I had dinner with him and his wife, and its still routine to walk down the gravel lane and visit him and his new wife.
I realize that the happiest times of my childhood were here in Oregon. I wish I could go back to those days and relive them forever. Before my aunt took over my grandmother's house and all but remodeled it. Before people started dying. Before I grew up.
I think there is chronic depression in my family. I am always depressed. According to my mom, its normal in the Meyers line. I think I will spend the rest of my life looking back with nostalgia, never able to accept the change, never able to escape my shell and experience the world. Never able to be happy.
Its hard to make friends here. Given that I have a personality as outgoing as a rock, given that everyone here has the inexplicable ability to bond at first sight, given that I don't want anyone to even try to replace the friends I have....after a month of being here, I'm still in the same clamshell I was sealed in for all of freshman year in high school. It was like this during my first year at Sacred Heart, too. Maybe this is a pattern in my life. Almost complete emotional and physical solitude for "The First Years."
I remember when I called my grandma "Mary Grandma," when she drove me to the library every Wednesday, when she was strong enough to work in her enormous, beautiful garden. I've never encountered a garden I like more that hers and Grandpa's. What they did to it was just amazing.
I remember when she taught me how to make "Wacky Cake" how she'd set out her boxful of spools and I'd build a spool civilization with spool people and spool cars and spool buildings. I remember her listening to the News Hour with Jim Leherer while hooking a rug. Her walking with my down Navajo to pick blackberries. Her making cinnamon rolls and biscuits for me in the mornings, me combing her hair with that green fine-toothed comb.
I remember Grandpa working in his wood shop in the garage, making toys for me. I remember the pond he built in th backyard, I remember the slides he'd show of lilies and birds. I remember the cards they'd send us. He'd draw the picture and grandma would write....I remember grandpa and I going to Richfield.....Grandma, Grandpa and I going to "the blue house in the woods" with the back bedroom that had that wonderful fish comforter. I remember the trips to Great Uncle Bill's Airfield, seeing the airplanes he restored, be pulled around the runway in a little red wagon.
I remember when I first met my oldest friend. I cleaned the horse stalls for him because I enjoyed it. I rode the horses sometimes. I had dinner with him and his wife, and its still routine to walk down the gravel lane and visit him and his new wife.
I realize that the happiest times of my childhood were here in Oregon. I wish I could go back to those days and relive them forever. Before my aunt took over my grandmother's house and all but remodeled it. Before people started dying. Before I grew up.
I think there is chronic depression in my family. I am always depressed. According to my mom, its normal in the Meyers line. I think I will spend the rest of my life looking back with nostalgia, never able to accept the change, never able to escape my shell and experience the world. Never able to be happy.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Jessica (AJ) - Out of Grasp
In exactly 101 hours, I will be taking my second Chemistry midterm. At my current point of view, I see this as- " In exactly 101 hours, I will be entering a circle of Hades."
I had spent 4 hours of Wednesday night, from 10pm to 2am revising a Chemistry lab report, which my strict GSI gave a depressingly low grade on. I spent 5 hours yesterday working on 30 Chemistry problems, yet I still have three more to do.
I have yet to start studying for this midterm.
I have a thesis paper due in 7 days, that I have yet to start.
Two hours ago, I visited said GSI, only to be told to redo that 7 page lab report that I've already rewritten twice.
Violent emotions aside, I can't help but wonder if I can handle this: 8 classes, 8 hours of martial arts each week. Do I have the potential to keep up with these classes? Afterall, it's only my first semester, or perhaps I should just be re -assessing my time management?
-Less Facebook, less procrastinating, less distraction, and less complaining on this blog.
I really miss all of you.
Your jokes, your banter,
our games and our pictures.
I had spent 4 hours of Wednesday night, from 10pm to 2am revising a Chemistry lab report, which my strict GSI gave a depressingly low grade on. I spent 5 hours yesterday working on 30 Chemistry problems, yet I still have three more to do.
I have yet to start studying for this midterm.
I have a thesis paper due in 7 days, that I have yet to start.
Two hours ago, I visited said GSI, only to be told to redo that 7 page lab report that I've already rewritten twice.
Violent emotions aside, I can't help but wonder if I can handle this: 8 classes, 8 hours of martial arts each week. Do I have the potential to keep up with these classes? Afterall, it's only my first semester, or perhaps I should just be re -assessing my time management?
-Less Facebook, less procrastinating, less distraction, and less complaining on this blog.
I really miss all of you.
Your jokes, your banter,
our games and our pictures.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Heaven: Taking numbers never made sense.
I have been staring at this blank white box for about five minutes. Earlier this afternoon and this morning, I did the same thing; the same thing happened yesterday and the day before. Zooey Deschanel is singing into my ear, "I couldn't help but fall in love again."
All I can think to ask is, "What now?"
All I can think to ask is, "What now?"
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Anna: Jack's Lament
The Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack is remedial, and that's all there is to it.
I mean, this morning I was frustrated because my World Lit teacher isn't as intelligent as Mr. Huth and doesn't teach the same way as Mr. Huth and doesn't have the same sense of humor as Mr. Huth. And I had trouble getting into my building, which was just grand.
I had no breakfast and no lunch because I had Sustainability half an hour after World Literature. Cooking rice to eat made me late to that class. My mentored inquiry session ran overtime because I was completing a faulty survey. I finally ate my rice at 3:30 today, which means I won't be hungry for dinner, which means I'll be hungry in the middle of the night again.
I have three-ish chapters to read in World Lit, and then some. And three chapters exactly in Sustainability, and a revision. And my Sight Singing class is not even worth mentioning. I paid $78 for a book for a class that I'll hate.
But coming back to my dorm room and having Jack sing into my ear of his adventurous longings that so mirror my own makes it all bearable.
I mean, this morning I was frustrated because my World Lit teacher isn't as intelligent as Mr. Huth and doesn't teach the same way as Mr. Huth and doesn't have the same sense of humor as Mr. Huth. And I had trouble getting into my building, which was just grand.
I had no breakfast and no lunch because I had Sustainability half an hour after World Literature. Cooking rice to eat made me late to that class. My mentored inquiry session ran overtime because I was completing a faulty survey. I finally ate my rice at 3:30 today, which means I won't be hungry for dinner, which means I'll be hungry in the middle of the night again.
I have three-ish chapters to read in World Lit, and then some. And three chapters exactly in Sustainability, and a revision. And my Sight Singing class is not even worth mentioning. I paid $78 for a book for a class that I'll hate.
But coming back to my dorm room and having Jack sing into my ear of his adventurous longings that so mirror my own makes it all bearable.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Zach: The Uneventful Event
So I have been at school for about a month, just like two days over or so, and today was the first day that I have thought to myself that I want to do nothing. Every day I have done something, or wanted to do something, or just been having fun in general. Today was different. I still love my school, it wasn't like I thought I missed Californian and want to go back, although I do want to hangout with all the people that were left behind when I came here, but I just wanted to do nothing today.
There is a room in our cafeteria place(Goudy) that is basically a sun room, and although it was raining today, which made me immeasurably happy while it lasted, I would have been more than content to have just sat in that room all day, looking out the windows.
I also had four classes today, a test in one and an assignment due in all the rest, which all went well enough. I turned everything in and I would be surprised if I didn't get a B on that test I took today. I even finished my homework for tomorrow, but I have felt like doing nothing would be the best thing for today.
I played with my rubix cube, listened to music, and ate amazing bread. I went to a concert(Which was basically amazing and I kinda want to take harp lessons now) and talked to Yvette (Yay Yvette, we are coke buddies) and I played several rounds of settlers of catan online.
My day isn't even over yet, I still have fire dancing later tonight.
I miss my dizi terribly and will have to bring it back with me after the christmas break, and hopefully I can borrow a flute from the school because I miss that too and I didn't bring mine.
I feel like I am rambling now, but I think I have said what I needed to say. I love my school, it is amazing, but I felt like doing nothing today, all day, which has been rather depressing for no reason whatsoever, maybe tomorrow will be better, seeing as how I only have two classes tomorrow. Let's hope so.
Off to dance with fire, missing you guys, and still feeling like doing nothing. :/
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Lexi: Love of Life
I don't write about myself a lot.
By myself, I mean the tangles of emotions that inhabit and inhibit me on a daily basis. To publicize my emotions directly can be dastardly, as observed from personal past experiences. The explanation could be my masculine personality, or simply because I avoid confrontation at many costs. I do write; I write ideas.
But I think I will attempt to describe my emotions. Once. Twice. Maybe three times. But most likely, once. I intend not to trap a fly in my web of personality.
I will start off explaining this obstruction of self-expression.
For years I've pursued the communication known as art, the visual medium. This pursuit has experienced its spikes and troughs throughout the years of my life... and never before these months have I collapsed into such a valley; nay, a hole. For weeks, a picture of my own creation has neglected to show itself on paper or screen. Is it because I have sought other activities to keep me busy? Is it because of school? Is it because art is no longer my niche?
There is no doubt a core to this happenstance. The latter half of my elementary years was the time I sincerely adopted the pastime of drawing. For hours, I would sketch fantasy creatures, both preexistent or created by me and Celeste, both inside the classroom and outside the classroom. Art was simultaneously a defense mechanism and a mental escape: among the harassment I would receive by peers on a daily basis, compliments on my talent seemed to balance this out. If homework was taxing on my composure, drawing would release the stress. This continued through my junior high years, up and through high school. As high school progressed, the frequency of pieces created by me gradually decreased. Recently, it has nearly flatlined.
Taking the "core" into consideration, I mention once again that the reason I began to take drawing seriously was to please others around me, and to provide a means of abandoning reality. Comparing this to my modern-day situation and personality, I persist both on the appeasement toward my fellow humans, but I stand more firm on the ground of reality than ever before. So now I seek the answer as to how this perspective has shifted my artistic habits: because I gravitate toward reality more, I resort to fantasy less. Because I have never taken other people out of the picture, reality is now the central motive of my art.
Now for pathos.
It is now I realize, reality should NEVER be a motive for art. Art is meant to transcend the concept of reality. If I keep looking through the scope of reality to create, the motive will be empty. Art should not be a business until someone has found their place in their realm. I have not found my place... I have not a single idea what my style is anymore. For hours, I will sit with the photoshop program up and running in front of me, and nothing will have appeared on the wretched screen. It's building up... there's so much backed up inside of my mind, and there's this constipation of expression. All the music I've listened to and come to appreciate, all the pictures I see, all the books I've read, all the fruitful lectures I've experienced at MJC, and how do I show it all off if I can't even draw for myself anymore? Six or seven people throughout these months have told me that I should become a tattoo artist, and everytime they tell me such a thing, it kills me a little bit on the inside because I know I could never become one in my current state... I don't know who I am anymore. I haven't a clue what my artistic identity is. So many requests to finish... people love my art, but I don't know why they do if I not even I love it anymore... where has it gone? Certainly not home.
My art is dying...
By myself, I mean the tangles of emotions that inhabit and inhibit me on a daily basis. To publicize my emotions directly can be dastardly, as observed from personal past experiences. The explanation could be my masculine personality, or simply because I avoid confrontation at many costs. I do write; I write ideas.
But I think I will attempt to describe my emotions. Once. Twice. Maybe three times. But most likely, once. I intend not to trap a fly in my web of personality.
I will start off explaining this obstruction of self-expression.
For years I've pursued the communication known as art, the visual medium. This pursuit has experienced its spikes and troughs throughout the years of my life... and never before these months have I collapsed into such a valley; nay, a hole. For weeks, a picture of my own creation has neglected to show itself on paper or screen. Is it because I have sought other activities to keep me busy? Is it because of school? Is it because art is no longer my niche?
There is no doubt a core to this happenstance. The latter half of my elementary years was the time I sincerely adopted the pastime of drawing. For hours, I would sketch fantasy creatures, both preexistent or created by me and Celeste, both inside the classroom and outside the classroom. Art was simultaneously a defense mechanism and a mental escape: among the harassment I would receive by peers on a daily basis, compliments on my talent seemed to balance this out. If homework was taxing on my composure, drawing would release the stress. This continued through my junior high years, up and through high school. As high school progressed, the frequency of pieces created by me gradually decreased. Recently, it has nearly flatlined.
Taking the "core" into consideration, I mention once again that the reason I began to take drawing seriously was to please others around me, and to provide a means of abandoning reality. Comparing this to my modern-day situation and personality, I persist both on the appeasement toward my fellow humans, but I stand more firm on the ground of reality than ever before. So now I seek the answer as to how this perspective has shifted my artistic habits: because I gravitate toward reality more, I resort to fantasy less. Because I have never taken other people out of the picture, reality is now the central motive of my art.
Now for pathos.
It is now I realize, reality should NEVER be a motive for art. Art is meant to transcend the concept of reality. If I keep looking through the scope of reality to create, the motive will be empty. Art should not be a business until someone has found their place in their realm. I have not found my place... I have not a single idea what my style is anymore. For hours, I will sit with the photoshop program up and running in front of me, and nothing will have appeared on the wretched screen. It's building up... there's so much backed up inside of my mind, and there's this constipation of expression. All the music I've listened to and come to appreciate, all the pictures I see, all the books I've read, all the fruitful lectures I've experienced at MJC, and how do I show it all off if I can't even draw for myself anymore? Six or seven people throughout these months have told me that I should become a tattoo artist, and everytime they tell me such a thing, it kills me a little bit on the inside because I know I could never become one in my current state... I don't know who I am anymore. I haven't a clue what my artistic identity is. So many requests to finish... people love my art, but I don't know why they do if I not even I love it anymore... where has it gone? Certainly not home.
My art is dying...
Jessica(AJ): The lost and the found
A shout of "Hurray!" for Anna, Irene, and Heaven who have just moved into their dorms. I hope you guys really enjoy it.
Meanwhile, I've almost been at Berkeley for a month. It's a pretty exciting month; there have been some amazing things. I found that our Chem lab has " Snape has not betrayed us" written in crayon, the squirrels are friendly and very good tour guides, Taekwando and Wushu are a very tiring but fun combination, and the dorms are pretty comfy. Then I've also experienced getting lost, my first midterm with more to come, five fire alarms, and I currently have very sore limbs from all the martial arts.
Friday, this Friday began as it began for every Friday these last four weeks. Chemistry at 9, then I was free to find my lunch and work on homework and distract myself for the rest of the day. I met up with a couple of friends, searching for a schedule to fall into, the perfect way to spend a Friday, a plan. Class, eat, study, eat, rush to Wushu, boba tea, run to dorms, take a shower, fall asleep. That was the plan anyways.
It was fine until "rush to Wushu", where in my absentmindedness, I forgot my keys in the room. I was stuck, my roommates had left for home and I was locked out. Priorities first, I had to get to Wushu for three hours of running, kicking, stretching, and stances. I anticipated underlying worry throughout practice, constantly calling my roommates in hopes of finding an open door to my room, a whole night of uneasiness because of my stupid forgetfulness. But as my ESPM professor says- there is a predisposition, but that is never the prediction for the future.
Wushu began with me dreading the painful stretches and in fear of being locked out. But what is the use of worry when there is nothing in my control? If my next three hours were to be devoted to Wushu, I was to be thinking of Wushu, and perfecting my drop stance and blocks. So that was that.
Boba tea? We got that at 10:30, and by the time we returned to the dorms, my roommate was still not back to open the doors for me. So began, 1 hour of recreational piano in the lounge for anyone who walks by. My "Fur Elise" even got a compliment from a drunken dormmate. In the end, the RA had to be paged to open my door for me. Then, searching for music in my friend's room turned into a full out Wicked sing-a-thon in the dorm kitchen. When we got out kicked out of the kitchen, we sought to continue our singing in my now open dorm room. Which unexpected turned into a sleep over in which had my laptop, and my two friends and I lying on my bed, still unchanged from our workout clothes, watching Weird Al's "Amish Paradise" on youtube at 4 am in the morning. Which then turned into an extended Wushu demo complete with swords until we finally all dispersed at 5 am Saturday morning. Plans? They went out the window hours ago. We can plan out every second of our day, but in the end, you know what will happen.
5 am- I finally took that much needed shower. I found a cell phone in the shower, only to forget my charm necklace in the shower, the irony. Today, got my necklace back. I'm relieved.
Thursday, our school is planning a Walk Out in protest of the school's budget cuts. Of course the protest would start here, at Berkeley. I have 2 classes planning to walk out and in one, I'm having a midterm. It's lovely.
To the Underworld with plans, sometimes it's so much more fun without them.
Meanwhile, I've almost been at Berkeley for a month. It's a pretty exciting month; there have been some amazing things. I found that our Chem lab has " Snape has not betrayed us" written in crayon, the squirrels are friendly and very good tour guides, Taekwando and Wushu are a very tiring but fun combination, and the dorms are pretty comfy. Then I've also experienced getting lost, my first midterm with more to come, five fire alarms, and I currently have very sore limbs from all the martial arts.
Friday, this Friday began as it began for every Friday these last four weeks. Chemistry at 9, then I was free to find my lunch and work on homework and distract myself for the rest of the day. I met up with a couple of friends, searching for a schedule to fall into, the perfect way to spend a Friday, a plan. Class, eat, study, eat, rush to Wushu, boba tea, run to dorms, take a shower, fall asleep. That was the plan anyways.
It was fine until "rush to Wushu", where in my absentmindedness, I forgot my keys in the room. I was stuck, my roommates had left for home and I was locked out. Priorities first, I had to get to Wushu for three hours of running, kicking, stretching, and stances. I anticipated underlying worry throughout practice, constantly calling my roommates in hopes of finding an open door to my room, a whole night of uneasiness because of my stupid forgetfulness. But as my ESPM professor says- there is a predisposition, but that is never the prediction for the future.
Wushu began with me dreading the painful stretches and in fear of being locked out. But what is the use of worry when there is nothing in my control? If my next three hours were to be devoted to Wushu, I was to be thinking of Wushu, and perfecting my drop stance and blocks. So that was that.
Boba tea? We got that at 10:30, and by the time we returned to the dorms, my roommate was still not back to open the doors for me. So began, 1 hour of recreational piano in the lounge for anyone who walks by. My "Fur Elise" even got a compliment from a drunken dormmate. In the end, the RA had to be paged to open my door for me. Then, searching for music in my friend's room turned into a full out Wicked sing-a-thon in the dorm kitchen. When we got out kicked out of the kitchen, we sought to continue our singing in my now open dorm room. Which unexpected turned into a sleep over in which had my laptop, and my two friends and I lying on my bed, still unchanged from our workout clothes, watching Weird Al's "Amish Paradise" on youtube at 4 am in the morning. Which then turned into an extended Wushu demo complete with swords until we finally all dispersed at 5 am Saturday morning. Plans? They went out the window hours ago. We can plan out every second of our day, but in the end, you know what will happen.
5 am- I finally took that much needed shower. I found a cell phone in the shower, only to forget my charm necklace in the shower, the irony. Today, got my necklace back. I'm relieved.
Thursday, our school is planning a Walk Out in protest of the school's budget cuts. Of course the protest would start here, at Berkeley. I have 2 classes planning to walk out and in one, I'm having a midterm. It's lovely.
To the Underworld with plans, sometimes it's so much more fun without them.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Anna: The Second Task
Sending this from my dorm room: Broadway 0371, at 5:14 in the evening. I have nothing to do. My side of the room is spic and span, unnaturally so for anyone who knows me, and I'm just waiting for dinner. "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" is stuck in my head.... and I'm slightly disappointed that people aren't more willing to randomly introduce themselves in the dorms. But maybe I'm simply expecting too much on the first day. I love my view. I'm looking out at a hill, with trees everywhere, and the constantly changing Portland skyline. There's a small park across the street that I'm planning on visiting.
So basically I'm here with Sylvia Plath, rambling about how depressed/not depressed she is. Its a lonely day. But I'm not unhappy. I've finally come to that milestone that I've been striving for for four years. In the old stories, the heros always seem to have to complete three tasks....my first task is finished: childhood. I am no longer a child, nor am I quite yet an adult. This second task, which I am naming Higher Education is predictably more challenging than my previous one. But I have no choice but to succeed. To fail is to lose everything I have worked for. It is to lose the reward that is waiting for me beyond all the colossal obstacles: happiness. Maybe. Perhaps I am striving for something else all together.
This is the start of the second task. The second novel of my trilogy life. I have been separated from my comrades, and we must fight our own battles now. And when we reunite, we will have made and lost more comrades, and won and lost different battles, and conquered small evils. I look forward to that day. But for now, I must sit and wait for my adventure to resume.
So basically I'm here with Sylvia Plath, rambling about how depressed/not depressed she is. Its a lonely day. But I'm not unhappy. I've finally come to that milestone that I've been striving for for four years. In the old stories, the heros always seem to have to complete three tasks....my first task is finished: childhood. I am no longer a child, nor am I quite yet an adult. This second task, which I am naming Higher Education is predictably more challenging than my previous one. But I have no choice but to succeed. To fail is to lose everything I have worked for. It is to lose the reward that is waiting for me beyond all the colossal obstacles: happiness. Maybe. Perhaps I am striving for something else all together.
This is the start of the second task. The second novel of my trilogy life. I have been separated from my comrades, and we must fight our own battles now. And when we reunite, we will have made and lost more comrades, and won and lost different battles, and conquered small evils. I look forward to that day. But for now, I must sit and wait for my adventure to resume.
???: Hijack
Don't worry, you don't need to change the password. I just happened to come across this and I decided I'd write a quick hello to all of you, and hope that you don't find out who I am right away.
Don't you wonder what your life would be like if you were born blind?
Don't you wonder what your life would be like if you were born blind?
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Heaven: Mutlu olacaksın.
I keep fragments. Fragments of poems that I have written through the years in a folder on my desktop called, "HE GIVES ME DRUGS." Occasionally, I read through these sentences in hopes that one will inspire me to write a decent poem, which I haven't done in quite some time. They inspire me, but I never write. Tonight, I was reading through some of the lines and one inspired me to write this blog, so here goes.
I have nightmares. I have always had nightmares, since I was a small child. The first dream that I can remember was a dream that I had in second grade, and it was a nightmare that my family left me in the future, left me to be murdered by a masked stranger. For a time, I had no dreams-- only nightmares. For months and months they continued. Waking up in fits. Talking in my sleep. Lying awake for hours in the middle of the night, afraid to get up because I do not know who or what is in my room with me. Hovering above me. Outside my window. No angels. Just the whites of his eyes.
I have had nightmares for the past four days in a row, but three nights ago, I had a nightmare that I will never forget. Before I describe the nightmare, here is the piece of poem that inspired me to tell you this nonsense anyway. It reads:
"if i could fix the things i've done
you know i would, boy, cause you're the one
that i want to hold when we grow old."
Amateur. This line is amateur. I am no great poet, no Poet Laureate of the United States. I am not a poet. I am just a girl that puts my thoughts and observations on paper in twistedupmixedup ways.
Ian never liked my poetry. He didn't understand it, and when he did, he would grow angry about the content. When he could read through the metaphors, when he could see Cullen and Ryan and Jack inside my heart, he did not like it. He did not like me. And now I am without, as I have been. But in my dreams, I relive breakup after breakup, always different, but always the same.
Three nights ago, I had another breakup nightmare. Though the nightmare had several different scenes, to save on space and time, I will only tell you that, indoors or out, we were fighting. Fighting fighting fighting as we always did. Running from one another, physically emotionally mentally. Finally, we end up at Crowell School, and I am chasing after Ian, from the playground down the hallways. Running next to me are all his ex-girlfriends and his new girlfriend, and they are all insulting me. Telling me I do not deserve him, telling me I am nothing. His new girlfriend tells me that I am worthless and she will get him from me. She will take him. He will leave me, and he will be hers. We all get to Ian at the same time and his new girlfriend continues to massacre me with her words. I am crying and pleading silently with Ian, but he nods the affirmative. It is true, he is leaving. But then she (the new girlfriend) says something about time, meant to be an insult toward me, but Ian and I both look at eachother and say, "More like ten." And then we both smile and laugh.
And then I woke up. If only I could remember what she had said to make us react like that. It is the only break-up dream I have had that has ended... well, happily. And now I have noticed that I called it a dream. Was it a nightmare, or was it a dream, or can nightmares suddenly change into dreams by the way they end? At first, I felt horrible. I have endured break-up after break-up after break-up... but then I thought about it for a moment. I woke up. We were smiling and laughing. We were separating, but somehow, we both knew that it was for the best, that we would both be okay without one another. And then I was alone.
And I am still alone, in that sense. But am I lonely?
For a long time, I have contemplated whether it is possible to be happy alone. Many I have asked tell me that it is not... we all need some form of human contact to be truly happy. I agree, sometimes, that I need the sound smell sight touch of people, of Family, of friends. But I am also happy with my memories. The bad tends to overpower the good, but in this case, the light has prevailed. To seek out the good in my memories. To forgive the wrongs of the past. To not dwell in the shallows, but to dive deep, to see the bright morning sunshine penetrate the darkest trenches. To be optimistic. I want to be this. I want to be.
I am alone, but I am not lonely.
--Thou wilt be happy.
I have nightmares. I have always had nightmares, since I was a small child. The first dream that I can remember was a dream that I had in second grade, and it was a nightmare that my family left me in the future, left me to be murdered by a masked stranger. For a time, I had no dreams-- only nightmares. For months and months they continued. Waking up in fits. Talking in my sleep. Lying awake for hours in the middle of the night, afraid to get up because I do not know who or what is in my room with me. Hovering above me. Outside my window. No angels. Just the whites of his eyes.
I have had nightmares for the past four days in a row, but three nights ago, I had a nightmare that I will never forget. Before I describe the nightmare, here is the piece of poem that inspired me to tell you this nonsense anyway. It reads:
"if i could fix the things i've done
you know i would, boy, cause you're the one
that i want to hold when we grow old."
Amateur. This line is amateur. I am no great poet, no Poet Laureate of the United States. I am not a poet. I am just a girl that puts my thoughts and observations on paper in twistedupmixedup ways.
Ian never liked my poetry. He didn't understand it, and when he did, he would grow angry about the content. When he could read through the metaphors, when he could see Cullen and Ryan and Jack inside my heart, he did not like it. He did not like me. And now I am without, as I have been. But in my dreams, I relive breakup after breakup, always different, but always the same.
Three nights ago, I had another breakup nightmare. Though the nightmare had several different scenes, to save on space and time, I will only tell you that, indoors or out, we were fighting. Fighting fighting fighting as we always did. Running from one another, physically emotionally mentally. Finally, we end up at Crowell School, and I am chasing after Ian, from the playground down the hallways. Running next to me are all his ex-girlfriends and his new girlfriend, and they are all insulting me. Telling me I do not deserve him, telling me I am nothing. His new girlfriend tells me that I am worthless and she will get him from me. She will take him. He will leave me, and he will be hers. We all get to Ian at the same time and his new girlfriend continues to massacre me with her words. I am crying and pleading silently with Ian, but he nods the affirmative. It is true, he is leaving. But then she (the new girlfriend) says something about time, meant to be an insult toward me, but Ian and I both look at eachother and say, "More like ten." And then we both smile and laugh.
And then I woke up. If only I could remember what she had said to make us react like that. It is the only break-up dream I have had that has ended... well, happily. And now I have noticed that I called it a dream. Was it a nightmare, or was it a dream, or can nightmares suddenly change into dreams by the way they end? At first, I felt horrible. I have endured break-up after break-up after break-up... but then I thought about it for a moment. I woke up. We were smiling and laughing. We were separating, but somehow, we both knew that it was for the best, that we would both be okay without one another. And then I was alone.
And I am still alone, in that sense. But am I lonely?
For a long time, I have contemplated whether it is possible to be happy alone. Many I have asked tell me that it is not... we all need some form of human contact to be truly happy. I agree, sometimes, that I need the sound smell sight touch of people, of Family, of friends. But I am also happy with my memories. The bad tends to overpower the good, but in this case, the light has prevailed. To seek out the good in my memories. To forgive the wrongs of the past. To not dwell in the shallows, but to dive deep, to see the bright morning sunshine penetrate the darkest trenches. To be optimistic. I want to be this. I want to be.
I am alone, but I am not lonely.
--Thou wilt be happy.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Anna: My Somewhat Bildungsroman
So I've come to the conclusion that I need to grow up. I'm still seventeen years old (technically not even an adult yet), but I'm about to start college. I'll have to manage my own money, remind myself to do my homework, do my own washing, wake myself up in the morning. Now I have to keep careful track of all my bank account dealings and make sure my debit card doesn't mysteriously run out on a sudden shopping spree. I'll half to find work soon, and find a way to come up with $10,000 dollars so that I can pay for winter and spring term of school.
In short, I'll have to take care of myself.
This conclusion came to me in the most unlikely instance, as well. Yesterday, I went down into Oregon City with my aunt and her boyfriend to do a little amateur birdwatching. Apparently, some swiffs are migrating south from Alaska, and they like to stop in chimneys along the way. So we drove down there and waited on the side of a road for 20 minutes to a half hour before the first of them started to emerge from over the hill, across the Willamette River. At first, there weren't that many. It was difficult to point them out in the sky- they're real tiny things. Hummingbird sized, or maybe even smaller. But gradually, very gradually, more and more flew over the river to join the rest of the flock. We could hear their small chirp chirps as they flew in random patterns over us.
It was like an airshow. My neck hurt from craning upwards so much, but I didn't mind. I kept watching as more and more swiffs joined the flock. They wove through each other, pretzeling around in the air. In the end, there must have been hundreds of them circling the city, waiting to take residence in the designated chimney for the night. There was a hawk waiting at said chimney, planning to catch its evening meal when it tried to escape into the dark brick structure.
The swiffs were wary, and consequentially refused to rest for the night. Over and over, again and again, they whirled around the chimney in a vortex, every so often unwinding like a fine ribbon or a delicate French pastry. I was mesmerized. I just stood there like an idiot, watching then wind and unwind, daringly swooping closer to the chimney only to ascend once more.
But it couldn't last. The hawk triumphed. I consider myself lucky that I didn't see the actual kill. I had averted my attention to the stragglers, the swiffs who flew uncertainly outside of the vortex, slightly breaking formation. But when I heard the distressed chirp chirping of a swiff, I swivelled my head back. The hawk was flying away, a swiff desperately chirping its last, as its fellow swiffs swarmed and chased the hawk away in rage. There was much agitation in the air at that moment. After the hawk escaped with its conquest, the swiffs swarmed around in confusion. It wasn't long before opportunity reared its head, however, and then suddenly the airshow was over. The vortez turned into a twister and the massive cloud began to descend into the chimney. Within minutes, it was over. They were safely inside, and the sun had descended beneath the horizon.
To resurrect my point from several paragraphs ago, it was at this time I told myself, "Anna, just grow up." I'm not going to make any poetic metephors about the swiffs, or spin any beautiful lies about how I was struck to the core and turned my life around from that point. Simple. "Anna, just grow up." Then I got back in the car, went back to my grandma's house and continued working on my Sudoku puzzle.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I just need to grow up. I don't know why I realized it when I saw the swiffs, but I did. So now I would like to ask a favor of all of you. If you ever hear me complaining again, unless its for something really important (and I mean really important, like financially crippling important or something) just tell me to shut up and grow up. Because I can't do what I have to do if I'm always relying on someone else to pat my head and tell me sweet words about how its okay, when I really just need to get something done by myself. So please just do that for me. Tell me to grow up.
In short, I'll have to take care of myself.
This conclusion came to me in the most unlikely instance, as well. Yesterday, I went down into Oregon City with my aunt and her boyfriend to do a little amateur birdwatching. Apparently, some swiffs are migrating south from Alaska, and they like to stop in chimneys along the way. So we drove down there and waited on the side of a road for 20 minutes to a half hour before the first of them started to emerge from over the hill, across the Willamette River. At first, there weren't that many. It was difficult to point them out in the sky- they're real tiny things. Hummingbird sized, or maybe even smaller. But gradually, very gradually, more and more flew over the river to join the rest of the flock. We could hear their small chirp chirps as they flew in random patterns over us.
It was like an airshow. My neck hurt from craning upwards so much, but I didn't mind. I kept watching as more and more swiffs joined the flock. They wove through each other, pretzeling around in the air. In the end, there must have been hundreds of them circling the city, waiting to take residence in the designated chimney for the night. There was a hawk waiting at said chimney, planning to catch its evening meal when it tried to escape into the dark brick structure.
The swiffs were wary, and consequentially refused to rest for the night. Over and over, again and again, they whirled around the chimney in a vortex, every so often unwinding like a fine ribbon or a delicate French pastry. I was mesmerized. I just stood there like an idiot, watching then wind and unwind, daringly swooping closer to the chimney only to ascend once more.
But it couldn't last. The hawk triumphed. I consider myself lucky that I didn't see the actual kill. I had averted my attention to the stragglers, the swiffs who flew uncertainly outside of the vortex, slightly breaking formation. But when I heard the distressed chirp chirping of a swiff, I swivelled my head back. The hawk was flying away, a swiff desperately chirping its last, as its fellow swiffs swarmed and chased the hawk away in rage. There was much agitation in the air at that moment. After the hawk escaped with its conquest, the swiffs swarmed around in confusion. It wasn't long before opportunity reared its head, however, and then suddenly the airshow was over. The vortez turned into a twister and the massive cloud began to descend into the chimney. Within minutes, it was over. They were safely inside, and the sun had descended beneath the horizon.
To resurrect my point from several paragraphs ago, it was at this time I told myself, "Anna, just grow up." I'm not going to make any poetic metephors about the swiffs, or spin any beautiful lies about how I was struck to the core and turned my life around from that point. Simple. "Anna, just grow up." Then I got back in the car, went back to my grandma's house and continued working on my Sudoku puzzle.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I just need to grow up. I don't know why I realized it when I saw the swiffs, but I did. So now I would like to ask a favor of all of you. If you ever hear me complaining again, unless its for something really important (and I mean really important, like financially crippling important or something) just tell me to shut up and grow up. Because I can't do what I have to do if I'm always relying on someone else to pat my head and tell me sweet words about how its okay, when I really just need to get something done by myself. So please just do that for me. Tell me to grow up.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Jessica (AJ) - Accomplished list
I've written many lists over the years, but I don't remember what they were about. I usually throw them away before I'd accomplished any of them. My list of books to read this summer for example; it didn't happen. I didn't accomplish my "things to make/give to my friends" list either. Oh, and the Karaoke Day, Disney day, all those other days we've planned to meet up for this summer. It's my last day in Turlock, I've finished this list I've made. "What to do before heading off for college", it's a vague list, but it's complete. I've packed what I needed, more or less. I've hung out with my friends- you know I miss you right now, already- and have gotten a hug from each of them. (Thank you, Yvette for arguing on my behalf. Thank you, Zach for finally complying.), I've cleaned the house for top to bottom, talked to my roommates, readied my classes and money for Berkeley, set up the webcam for my parents, and now I'm finally getting to the task of writing out my entry here. Yay!
I don't have much to say- it's 1:13am, I'm supposed to be asleep, but I'm still worrying over what I might forgotten to pack, what to do tomorrow, and whatnot.
I know I meant to write this entry for one purpose at first. I'm pleading innocent to Zach's accusation of liking to take pictures of his "half-naked" self. It's just not true. I just enjoy taking pictures. I can't help it if he happens to be swimming and not wearing a shirt when I'm with a camera.
But I probably should get to sleep now. I was cleaning my drawers the other day and I found cards and papers from so many years ago. My cousin wrote me a letter before leaving for college herself 3 years ago.
There was a quote : "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
I love quotes. ^-^. But seriously, it's been meaningful. And I'm ready to go to sleep and hopefully wake up on time tomorrow. Lots of things to do!
I don't have much to say- it's 1:13am, I'm supposed to be asleep, but I'm still worrying over what I might forgotten to pack, what to do tomorrow, and whatnot.
I know I meant to write this entry for one purpose at first. I'm pleading innocent to Zach's accusation of liking to take pictures of his "half-naked" self. It's just not true. I just enjoy taking pictures. I can't help it if he happens to be swimming and not wearing a shirt when I'm with a camera.
But I probably should get to sleep now. I was cleaning my drawers the other day and I found cards and papers from so many years ago. My cousin wrote me a letter before leaving for college herself 3 years ago.
There was a quote : "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
I love quotes. ^-^. But seriously, it's been meaningful. And I'm ready to go to sleep and hopefully wake up on time tomorrow. Lots of things to do!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Zach: The Midnight Quest
So. Since I got my laptop a week or two ago, I have been staying up later than usual, and after the first night or two I decided something, to start a quest.
So I did. Every night at midnight, or around there I would partake on my midnight quest, on my laptop. Every night I would look up something new as part of my midnight quest, well sometimes, or most of the time, I didn't actually look things up, I just learned something new.
The first night I looked up the difference between a fiddle and a violin, here's the secret, there is no real difference. Some hard core fiddlers will adjust their violins to make it easier to play fiddling music, but there is nothing that really sets the two apart, unless it is a joke. The the difference is $10,000.
Then next I looked up Panacea, which I had always thought of as a sort of miracle medicine, but apparently it is also the name of a greek goddess. She had the power to heal anything. So I see the connection between the two. Although I was more content without knowing it was the name of a greek goddess.
I stopped looking up things after that and just let things find me. The next night I learned that there are a lot of Jewish blessings. One for every occasion nearly. I was actually given a blessing that night. I received the blessing that you say when you see someone with exceptionally skinny limbs. It was interesting.
Ummm... The next night was... something I am sure. It might have been about the process of how something becomes Kosher, although honestly I think that was another night, although none of you would know.
I can't really think of anything else of any sort of interest, except for what I learned tonight while I was writing this. Apparently Jessica likes to take pictures of me without a shirt on. But don't ask me, ask Jessica.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Anna: First Post?
Well. Its 12:30 in the morning at Dani's house and I've had too much coffee to sleep. After sitting in a lukewarm jacuzzi, listening to bad comedians at a coffee shop, discovering new music, being scared by a sleeping hobo in a garden, sharing an Oreo McFlurrie with my friend and passing some random CD through a window to the neighboring car. Crazy night.
I'm gonna cry when I leave! I have one week left before I;m gone for five months. Sad times. I wish I had some pictures to put up here or something, but this isn't my computer, soo....
Ack. My shorts are still wet. Rawr. Its gonna be hella uncomfortable sleeping tonight.
I love you all. Now our blog officially has a first post. Yay. Good morning everyone. Sleep well.
I'm gonna cry when I leave! I have one week left before I;m gone for five months. Sad times. I wish I had some pictures to put up here or something, but this isn't my computer, soo....
Ack. My shorts are still wet. Rawr. Its gonna be hella uncomfortable sleeping tonight.
I love you all. Now our blog officially has a first post. Yay. Good morning everyone. Sleep well.
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