I am quite literally counting down the days until I board the Amtrak to Modesto. 18 days. I am leaving mere hours after my last final on Thursday. Arrive in Modesto at 9:45 the following morning. I love it here, but I am so done with this shit. These bullshit classes I took this year, the ridiculous amount of money I am pouring into this school, putting up with asshole Portland poser-hipsters who think they're the shit....no thank you. I'd like to go back to my conservative cow town now and be around the people I feel most comfortable with, who I don't feel are analyzing and judging me with every breath I take.
So I'm pretty much in a terrible mood right now. I slept four hours last night. My roommate's brother is visiting and sleeping on our floor, which is just awkward. I woke up at eight this morning for the bullshit Sustainability field trip I was required to go to. The reason I couldn't go on a retreat to the coast this weekend. We had to turn around because the idiot professor forget our sack lunches, we had some half-assed dam tour (I knew everything, so I just zoned out the whole timer), a hike in the rain, and a short lecture on the local happenings of "Friends of the Gorge" by some asshole park ranger at Multnomah Falls. Like I really give a shit if they're opening a goddamn casino or not.
And of course I have so much senseless homework for Sustainability this weekend. Really, you'd think that three reflection papers later the teacher would get the point that ALL OF OUR ASSIGNMENTS FUCKING ADRESS THE UNIVERSITY GOALS. And sorry, but regurgitating facts from the readings doesn't count as critical thinking. Son of a bitch.
I don't like bullshit classes. And these bullshit classes (except German, most of the time) are what are fucking up my G.P.A. and will eventually prevent me from getting into grad school on the east coast, because god knows those fancy-shmancy high end schools only acknowledge you if you're pretty much perfect and shit butterflies out your ass. Having a trust fund doesn't hurt either.
Fuck. I just wanna come home already.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Heaven: Cultured Beasts
Here is a poem I just wrote.
Draft 2
"Cultured Beasts"
Three princes came to me in sleep
Each atop a cultured beast-- horse, camel, elephant--
Who beg for nirvana.
The men beg for money-- a dowry.
"I never had one," I shrug.
"Then you're worthless."
Draft 2
"Cultured Beasts"
Three princes came to me in sleep
Each atop a cultured beast-- horse, camel, elephant--
Who beg for nirvana.
The men beg for money-- a dowry.
"I never had one," I shrug.
"Then you're worthless."
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
AJ- Go do your half life thing-- DIE AND DISINEGRATE!
I must admit that I'm mainly writing this to rant. My head does feel like it has died and my brain is just bouncing around aimlessly inside. This phenomenon? Due to the combination of a horrible cold and Organic Chemistry. Within three days, I've completely used up one of those large, 200 sheet, box of tissues. All the while studying for finals, particularly calculus and ochem. Calculus passed by smoothly. We had a few battles but I won. or at least I think I dominated it's concepts well enough. ( Yes, Taylor series... there are formulas for you. And I got to have a cheat sheet. So you couldn't trick me!)
Ochem on the other hand consisted of a note book of reactions-- all which I had to know like the back of my hand so that I could apply every which reagent I could find to make half a thousand different reactions. I don't know them. After a two weeks, especially yesterday of 18 hours of chemistry reviewing.. I still don't know them and their stereoisomer diasteromer/enantiomer twins that taunt me every time I look at them.
Honestly it felt like a roller coaster ride. That mix of anticipation for it, for it to be over, for summer to finally start. And dread, that drop, wishing I could have prepared earlier, wishing there was more time to study. The anxiousness as you are slowly creeping up the tracks. Its the slowest time has ever been. Hours really did feel like days.
Well, two hours ago was that big drop. Everything else is numb now.
I get to sing in an hour, the perfect timing, especially when I already find it hard to breath.Singing will be a cinch now, won't it with my hacking cough?
I think the pressure in my head has been changing too much. Due to my constant need to cough and blow my nose. And constant change of pressure isn't good for you. So-- i'm thinking of going unconscious after my next final.
Thursday afternoon- Please come soon? After that I can pack and head back to Turlock in a few days. I can't wait!
Ochem on the other hand consisted of a note book of reactions-- all which I had to know like the back of my hand so that I could apply every which reagent I could find to make half a thousand different reactions. I don't know them. After a two weeks, especially yesterday of 18 hours of chemistry reviewing.. I still don't know them and their stereoisomer diasteromer/enantiomer twins that taunt me every time I look at them.
Honestly it felt like a roller coaster ride. That mix of anticipation for it, for it to be over, for summer to finally start. And dread, that drop, wishing I could have prepared earlier, wishing there was more time to study. The anxiousness as you are slowly creeping up the tracks. Its the slowest time has ever been. Hours really did feel like days.
Well, two hours ago was that big drop. Everything else is numb now.
I get to sing in an hour, the perfect timing, especially when I already find it hard to breath.Singing will be a cinch now, won't it with my hacking cough?
I think the pressure in my head has been changing too much. Due to my constant need to cough and blow my nose. And constant change of pressure isn't good for you. So-- i'm thinking of going unconscious after my next final.
Thursday afternoon- Please come soon? After that I can pack and head back to Turlock in a few days. I can't wait!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Zach: Fin
Done.
Freshmen year is over now. I am still waiting for my grades of course, but it is over and there is nothing I can do now. I know that I got an A in one class because the professor E-mailed me already and told me, which is awesome. One of my classes that I wold have gotten an A in doesn't count because for some reason the registrar never registered me for. And one class that I need for my major I am fairly sure I failed, so that is exciting.
Basically I just have to wait and see what happens.
Now I just have to sit and relax until I leave on Monday.
Back to watching Zoolander. See you guys soon.
Freshmen year is over now. I am still waiting for my grades of course, but it is over and there is nothing I can do now. I know that I got an A in one class because the professor E-mailed me already and told me, which is awesome. One of my classes that I wold have gotten an A in doesn't count because for some reason the registrar never registered me for. And one class that I need for my major I am fairly sure I failed, so that is exciting.
Basically I just have to wait and see what happens.
Now I just have to sit and relax until I leave on Monday.
Back to watching Zoolander. See you guys soon.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Heaven: Admiral Dolphin Wants YOU to Serve Your Pod!
When the dolphins take to land and over the world, I'm getting the hell out of here. I'm going to live in a houseboat or a treehouse. I'll go anyway I'll do anything just to evade those wretched creatures.
Osama asked me one day, "Do you hate dolphins because they have the potential to be smarter than you?"
"No," I responded, "I hate dolphins because they're evil." I know dolphins are smarter than me, and that's fine. To be cliche, I know I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box, and I'm definitely no competition for the sharpest bottlenose in the pod. I know the potential for a dolphin to leap onto its tail fin and start parading about on the beach. They're thieves. They'll start stealing beach umbrellas and using them as parasols in the sun (dolphins will still have to keep a bit moist, even when they've acclimated to land life). You know how some people have beach weddings; well, can't you just imagine a dolphin leaping out from behind the rent-a-gazebo and wrestling the groom out of his tux. Imagine that the anticipating bride is too shy to look her love in the face when she walks down the aisle, and when she finally gets there, she sees this dolphin in a tuxedo, complete with monocle, top hat, and cufflinks.
Dolphins are going to be CEOs and secret agents and librarians. They're going to send they're calves to kindergarten and gymnastics. Every one of them is a gifted swimmer, so they'd play more challenging sports like soccer and football and ice hockey. A dolphin in a jersey and shoulder pads and a helmet with a face mask. Dolphins will tobaggon in the winter olympics.
These dolphins are going to run the world someday, and if they don't kill all the humans off, we're all going to be wanted fugitives or prisoners of war or science experiments. We'll be those rare pets that the billionaires with three pups and two nannies who spend all their time at work in their skyscrapers or at their ritzy art galleries give to their kids as a pity-gift, as a I-had-sex-to-have-you-but-I-just-don't-have-the-time-right-now-so-here-have-a-puppy kind of thing. We'll be on leashes. We'll be in the zoo. We'll be in glue. We'll be the downtrodden and the outcast and the hunted.
We will be at the bottom of the food chain if we can't show these motherfuckers who's boss. Prepare for the resistance. It's coming.
Osama asked me one day, "Do you hate dolphins because they have the potential to be smarter than you?"
"No," I responded, "I hate dolphins because they're evil." I know dolphins are smarter than me, and that's fine. To be cliche, I know I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box, and I'm definitely no competition for the sharpest bottlenose in the pod. I know the potential for a dolphin to leap onto its tail fin and start parading about on the beach. They're thieves. They'll start stealing beach umbrellas and using them as parasols in the sun (dolphins will still have to keep a bit moist, even when they've acclimated to land life). You know how some people have beach weddings; well, can't you just imagine a dolphin leaping out from behind the rent-a-gazebo and wrestling the groom out of his tux. Imagine that the anticipating bride is too shy to look her love in the face when she walks down the aisle, and when she finally gets there, she sees this dolphin in a tuxedo, complete with monocle, top hat, and cufflinks.
Dolphins are going to be CEOs and secret agents and librarians. They're going to send they're calves to kindergarten and gymnastics. Every one of them is a gifted swimmer, so they'd play more challenging sports like soccer and football and ice hockey. A dolphin in a jersey and shoulder pads and a helmet with a face mask. Dolphins will tobaggon in the winter olympics.
These dolphins are going to run the world someday, and if they don't kill all the humans off, we're all going to be wanted fugitives or prisoners of war or science experiments. We'll be those rare pets that the billionaires with three pups and two nannies who spend all their time at work in their skyscrapers or at their ritzy art galleries give to their kids as a pity-gift, as a I-had-sex-to-have-you-but-I-just-don't-have-the-time-right-now-so-here-have-a-puppy kind of thing. We'll be on leashes. We'll be in the zoo. We'll be in glue. We'll be the downtrodden and the outcast and the hunted.
We will be at the bottom of the food chain if we can't show these motherfuckers who's boss. Prepare for the resistance. It's coming.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Anna: A Dip in Disney Day
So tuition for school is going to be about $33,000 next year. I got $5,000 in Stafford subsidized and unsubsidized loans.
$5,000.
$5-motherfucking-thousand. Which means I'll have to come up with over $25,000 out of pocket. Even with my mom's help (which only exists because my grandma died. I'd personally rather have her back), that's too much. I don't know what the hell happened to my Out-of-State Scholarship. It was supposed to be refundable all four years as long as I didn't drop below 3.5 (which I didn't) and as long as I remained a full-time student (which I did). So I don't know what the problem is, but I contacted the Bursar's office and hopefully they can set it straight.
And of course talking to Mom is no help at all. That woman has an innane gift to make everything seem my fault, and to make me feel worse than I already do.
I dunno. I guess I'll just keep applying for scholarships and try to get a job in New York this summer to save up some money, try to get a job next year, maybe look into something like AmeriCorps or....something. I dunno. We'll see. I can't NOT go to college. That is not an option. I've worked too hard to get here to get it taken away from me.
$5,000.
$5-motherfucking-thousand. Which means I'll have to come up with over $25,000 out of pocket. Even with my mom's help (which only exists because my grandma died. I'd personally rather have her back), that's too much. I don't know what the hell happened to my Out-of-State Scholarship. It was supposed to be refundable all four years as long as I didn't drop below 3.5 (which I didn't) and as long as I remained a full-time student (which I did). So I don't know what the problem is, but I contacted the Bursar's office and hopefully they can set it straight.
And of course talking to Mom is no help at all. That woman has an innane gift to make everything seem my fault, and to make me feel worse than I already do.
I dunno. I guess I'll just keep applying for scholarships and try to get a job in New York this summer to save up some money, try to get a job next year, maybe look into something like AmeriCorps or....something. I dunno. We'll see. I can't NOT go to college. That is not an option. I've worked too hard to get here to get it taken away from me.
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