Jess (AJ): Loved by cats

Hi Everyone

In a fit of nostalgia, I managed to wander back to our blog. I was planning to just reminisce on our early days, but to my surprise, Zach, an update! In comparison to my 4 year hiatus, I still consider a post from 1 year ago, fairly recent. So, with some help with the password, and some complaints in my head about the old-fashioned format of blog posts, here I am, on Word, composing my own update as well.

First of all, I miss you all. I know you’re all very busy and amazing people now, but I do hope I will be able to meet up and pick up where we left off again soon. I’m so proud of what everyone has accomplished- finishing grad school, teaching students, traveling across the country, being independent.

I’m currently sitting on a couch, waiting for the results for my licensing exam. If I pass, I get to practice physical therapy and be in charge of somehow improving people’s functional lives. And if I fail, well, I’m trying very hard not to think of that right now. But I have a backup plan, because I can’t help making backup plans, probably some short summer job until I’m able to take it again in 3 months. I’m sitting on a couch with two cats, walking over me – Tobi and Sophie, meowing and trying to get my attention. I love them to bits. Too bad they aren’t mine anymore, they belong to Ryan. And Ryan- the ex-boyfriend, but not really, but maybe, is now, just not. Which is sad, because I was able to see a future together, in the past. Now, I’ll just really miss these cats.
I guess it brings me to the point, while “open relationship” is a triggering word for me, because I didn’t understand what that meant in the past. Now having lived through that, it just isn’t for me. Or maybe it was just executed horribly- open on one end, lacking in communication, whatnot. I am so glad that it’s going well for you, Zach. I hope it still is, given that it’s been a year out and stalking the you on Instagram looks beautiful and fun. When is the wedding? I feel like I’ve been waiting for the chance to visit again forever.

I learned a little bit about myself. Apparently I’m annoyingly persistent, quick-tempered, judgemental, and overly defensive. I’m not very goal orientated, not very social, and sleep too much. Or at least that’s what Ryan told me, that he felt. Which also sometimes makes me want to rise to the challenge and do all that to irritate him. I do feel a little lost at the moment. Am I really that annoying? I thought my best traits were loyalty and persistence, but it seems to have failed me in this aspect so far. Basically, my response has been to suppress everything on this front. It’s a puzzle I can’t understand, even though it’s probably something I should have suffered through back in college or something.

I’m job hunting at the moment, hoping to get into a hospital to work with neurologic patients, maybe even go into a residency in the near future. There’s also a niche I’ve discovered, working with pediatric patients in hippotherapy. Using horse riding as a tool for therapy. I would get to be outside, with horses and dogs and kids. What more would I want? I’m interested in learning American Sign Language now. The younger patients are sometimes more responsive to ASL, and I can use it like a secret language, potentially. Now, if I can just get over my post-grad school burnout and crack open the books Lance (formerly Leslie) has so graciously given me. I meet up with her/him/them, and Kaeli fairly often these days, if not just to go out to eat or play Pokemon Go. I went to back to wushu after a 5 year hiatus yesterday, prompted by all the friends- and former wushu athletes, whom I watch anime with every Tuesday evening. Everything hurts, but it’s a good kind of pain. I do feel quite at home here in the Bay Area, with old friends all around, even with Ryan around. But I wonder if I should get away sometimes. With a license, I could work in Hawaii, Alaska, New York, Washington, there’s so much potential.
I can’t believe we’re 26-27 now. “Adulting” still seems so hard. I’m indecisive about what to do, even for the near future. Tell me how you are handling the world, I’m all ears for advice.

Thinking of you all, while I cuddle with these cats.

P.S. I haven't heard the nickname AJ in such a long time.