Zach: Opportunities.

Okay. So. Today. Big call.

My Apartment-mate and I got a call today. We were on the waitlist to get into a bigger apartment. And well, we can move to that apartment if we want. Right now we are in the cute little one bedroom. And by we I mean I am in it. He hasn't gotten here yet. I love this apartment. It is perfect, for me. But once he move in I don't know exactly how things are gonna work. I think that the size is just perfect for myself. There is definitely some unused space, but I think that he will be taking up more than just that unused space and we might not have enough space as the two of us. But I am not sure.

So this bigger two bedroom apartment falls into our laps and I am not sure what to do. Yes there is the second bedroom, but that doesn't make much of a difference. I just snuck into the apartment because it was unlocked and it is pretty nice. SO MUCH COUNTER SPACE. That alone makes me want to upgrade. But. I don't think that that amount of counter space is worth the $1350 increase in rent for the year.

Now the potentially new apartment is nice, the paint job is okay (the majority of it is pretty good but there are definitely things that NEED to be painted over because they kinda suck) It is bigger. But it also comes with more stuff. Which would be nice if I didn't have a bunch of my own stuff. So basically all of the extra stuff that is in there is taking up the extra space that we would be getting out of moving. So the space issue is basically moot.

The only major thing right now is that I am not sure what to do because of this: I am not particularly fond of my apartment-mate. I mean, he is a nice guy and I like him well enough. The only reason we are living together is because his girlfriend is my best friend here, and I don't want to be far away from her and this was the best solution. Now I am not sure exactly what to do.

Update: I just went back there to check it out with one of my friends to get here opinion. I am basically in the same place though, probably leaning towards the stay in this apt option, but I have to figure it out.

Rawr. I don't know what to do. Do I spring for the bigger apt that might help me survive living with him next year (yes I did just use the term survive). Or do I stay here in this cheaper and still really nice apt? I must decide by Wednesday and I don't want to.

AJ: I want a hug; so I'm going to give you one

Today is honestly not my favorite day. It started off fairly well, however, as of right now I have an important midterm coming up, I have had a fever of 101 since noon, minor pains over my whole body, and studying doesn't help with this fever.
I want a hug. I want a good grade on this midterm. I want to be better by tomorrow.
Nobody seems to be around. Busy with midterms, their own lives, their own problems. Even the people that stopped by today just needed something - internet, flashlight, food-something that probably stressed me out even more.
I just need a hug, and if no one is around to give me one, I'm going to find one myself. Next time I see you guys, I'm giving you a big bear hug!
I shouldn't be waiting around for things to come.


P.S ~ Thank you Zach. I'm enjoying a conversation with you at the moment. I feel better already. Meanwhile, you just made me log off of hotmail to sign into gmail to talk to you. And now I have to sign back into hotmail before they let me post this again. =P

Anna: 180

A little while ago, on my own blog, I recounted that I was in a funk.

A haircut and an awesome weekend in Salem later, I'm happy to report that I seem to be coming out of it. I still don't have a job, I don't have any pressing obligations besides getting stuff ready for MUN this next year and oh yeah, attending Salsa class, but that's okay. I going to a volunteering info session this Friday, I'm still on the job hunt and there's even been some whispering of a road trip to California?? Oh my!!

That said, I'm still anxious. When am I not really? Life isn't all sunshine and bubbles, but at least I can sustain a good mood for a few hours now. Progress.

That's all for this post, really. I just wanted to let everyone know about this awesome development.

Love.

Heaven:

I am stumbling guys. Not stumbling upon. Like stumbling as in struggling. I've been falling into these slumps, but I'm not quite sure how to dig myself out. I write and write and write until I can convince myself to be positive, but then as soon as I'm positive I just convince myself that this positivity is a lie. This hole is too deep to pull myself out of, and the dirt around me is too solid to dig foot holds into the sides with my fingers. I need someone to throw me some tools, toss me a line. I am so dependent right now that it's fucking ridiculous. When the hell do I need anybody? I can do everything ALL BY MY SELF.

Wrong. I can't. I can't do anything on my own again. I'm on the highwire and I forgot to chalk my flats. I've slipped. I'm hanging on. I always do. Today I told my dad that I've spent all my strength in the first twenty years, now I've got none left for the next twenty. He couldn't say anything, just "I know how you feel." I am surrounded by crumbling sandcastles and high tides.

I spent the afternoon with Ashley and it was a really good day, but as soon as anything triggers my anxiety, I crack, and the flood gates open just to relieve some pressure so the whole dam doesn't come crashing down.

Somebody please tell me that everything is going to be okay. I keep telling myself, but I just can't seem to hit the sweet notes that are going to make me believe. Some tap-your-heels-there's-no-place-like-home kinda magic.

Everything is going to be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, then it's not the end. Everything is going to be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, then it's not the end. Everything is going to be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Everything is okay. Everything is okay. Everything is okay.