AJ: The End

That sounds ominous.
Or, maybe it just depends on how you're feeling at the moment. In the fairytale world, "the end" means relief, the happily ever after. Or maybe the end of all the conflict, the unpleasant events of our lives. But it's never really the end, is it? So, to return to the point that I earlier mentioned- it just sounds ominous.
At first I was just referring to the quote that I had on my wall paper.

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end" ~ Unknown
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Today was the last of the midterms that I had this week. I had 3 days worth of midterms. consecutively. I'm done with it; it's the end, I'll be okay now. In reality, I'm still waiting for the results, there are at least one more midterms to go and a final. It's not the end. The semester's not the end, graduation isn't the end. Further thoughts- this quote is actually quite depressing in some ways. It means that things will never be okay? And when things are okay, am I to "end" it right there? Or, is it this forced emotion to just accept the ways things are and being at peace at the end that makes everything "okay". Furthermore, I don't want "okay," I want "meaningful," "worthwhile," "extraordinary," and "epicness"- why settle for the "okay"?

This is too much analysis. I think I've destroyed the whole intention of the quote for myself now. Maybe someone else has another take on this?

Just as an update on what I'm up to these days. I'll just say that I'm sick. I'm also sick of being sick. So I'm going to have my brain tell my body to get better. My roommate learned in psych and told me that if you think you're not sick, you won't be sick. I'm giving it a try. Being sick during midterms is a pretty horrible experience. To make up for it, I'll have to dedicate myself 100% more to my next midterms. I'll do it! I promise.
Music, Math, Ochem midterms are over, that means- start studying NOW! Or at least after this Friday, I need a study break. =-=''

P.S
Families are a wonderful thing. My baby cousin was recently (yesterday) diagnoised with ALL, Accute Lympoblasic Leukemia. (Oh look, Leukemia has "leu" in it. This is a very horrible observation and I feel ashamed to mention noting it. I'd ignore that pun now... )
He's currently undergoing chemotherapy already, and my family is flocking to the hospital and my uncle's to help out. I guess what I'm asking are for prayers- or something of that sort in mind. What a year this is turning out to be.......

Heaven: The Cotton Princess

"My only real motivation in life is that everything has the potential to be beautiful."

-The Greymane Prince

Anna: Sad Face

Bad news, people. The way things are looking, I'm not gonna be coming home for summer break.

A few reasons why:

1) I have zero money. Which means my trip to New York to visit my sister is being paid for by my mom (thanks to her inheritance money from grandma) and she can't afford to jet me across the country multiple times.

2) My sister wants me to stay the whole summer. And when she wants something, she wants it and there'll be hell to pay if someone tells her no.

3) Mom wants me to stay the whole summer. Because she wants to forge bonds and create a stable family for my nieces.

A few reasons why I agreed to this instead of putting up a fight:

1) I have zero money. See above.

2) My sister really has a right to ask me to stay for the whole summer. By the time I finish up my first year of college in June, I will have not seen her or Xiana for almost three years. That is not okay. And, I haven't even met Savannah yet, and I will not have met the new baby who is being born in March.

3) I'm going to New York. Its happening. I'm determined to see my sister again. The last time I saw her, she was walking away from me, pregnant again and running for her life. I need to see her again. The last time I saw Xiana was when she was getting in the car, excited because she was having such an adventure, not even aware that she might never see us again. I haven't met Savannah, as I stated above. Both my grandparents are gone, I don't really talk to my aunts or uncle anymore, I'm so distanced from mom....I want my family back. And I refuse to let what happened in my family happen to those girls. They deserve to be happy. I will be there for them.


So I'm sorry everyone. Believe me, I'm not ecstatic about not seeing you guys this summer. I will probably cry, a lot, and message you everyday and get jealous because you will all be making wonderful memories without me. But this is my family and they have to come first. I'm sorry, but this has to happen. I won't be right without it.

But I love you all. :) We'll all pull through somehow. Because I feel like I am purposefully (maybe semi-subconciously) keeping myself closed off to all the people here, all the potential friends I could make, because I don't want to replace you guys in any way, shape, or form. As far as friends (and indeed, as second family goes) you guys are all I need. I couldn't ask for any people anywhere who are better than you.