AJ: Searching for that Renaissance "perfection"

There are so many things here in college. This semester, I had my schedule all planned out. I would take Music, Ochem, Math, English, Erhu, and Wushu - 15 units
I ended up not getting into English at all, not getting enough units and frantically signing up for as much units waitlisted as I could.
Now I have Ochem, Math, ended up taking Music singing and Music composition, Erhu, Music Cultures, Wushu and I got into American Sign Language class. This is 20 units. I might kill myself with this- especially since I'm looking into a job too.
I'm feeling very reluctant, but I'm going to have to give up ASL. I can't handle so many things at once. This still means I have 18 units; which is still quite a bit, especially for Berkeley.

On the other hand, I've accomplished a few things.

I can do the splits now- on my left side. Due to a very VERY painful stretching session yesterday. I'm still sore. I can't go down the stairs without feeling pain, but I suppose this is a good sign.

I'm an alto! At least that's what my music comp. class deems me. I can sing from a low D to a high G. Two and a quarter octaves.

My singing class though, deems me a soprano. There will be a lot of voice cracking occuring here. (=-=')''''

Anna: HJHS

Half-Jack.

Its amazing how the smallest thing has the largest effect on my day. On my mood for the next few months.

I have no purpose in my life. No motivation, no dreams. For me, its the worst feeling in the world.

I miss Daddy. I wish I knew what it was like to have one, like almost everyone else I know. :( I would give anything to be able to see him smile at me. I don't wanna go to Heaven if he's not there, because it won't be Heaven without him.

I have no reason to be depressed all the time, but sadly that's what happens. I don't know what's going on.

I'm never satisfied. I think its my own fault I'm never happy.

I wish I could trust in God a little more, and maybe I could put my life together and make it look roughly like something meaningful.

But my New Year's Resolution is to not give in to my depression. I intend to try as hard as I damn can to fulfill that, even if it proves to be impossible. At this point, I don't really have any other choice.

Hello Seattle.

Heaven: Wild World

Recently I've been telling myself that everything happens for a reason, even if it's not how you expected it to happen. What's done is done, and there's no going back to change anything.

These past three weeks have been some of the best days I've had in months, and I wish they didn't have to come to an end. But, alas, they are. We're going to have to put all these parties and planning committees on hold, but I feel that being apart from one another just brings us closer together. I always thought that philosophy was bullshit, but I'm feeling it. I'm not sure about you guys, but I'm feeling it.

Things are pretty crazy for all of us, but I always feel like all the good and the bad that weighs on me is neutralized when I'm with you guys. It sort of balances itself out rather than building up. Whatever the feeling is, thanks, friends. Comrades. You're my brother(s) and my sisters (and my husband and lesbian lover and what have you), but no matter what I call you--

You are my Family.