Anna: ringringringringringringring.....

I have myself an idea.

To get myself out of this three month long rut of depression I've been in, I'm going to try something new (besides therapy, which I'm still waiting for). Many times when I walk around I see odd/interesting/entertaining posters, people, and grafitti. I figure if I take pictures of these or write them down somewhere and save them, I can look over at them later and smile. The same idea goes for newspaper articles and comics. I'm going to start a little scrapbook, if you will, or a collage of this stuff. I think it'll be good. It'll be a little MLIA all the time.

By the way, I chose my classes for next term. I'm taking Sustainability again (its a year long class), German 202, Japanese 102, and Psychology as a Social Science. Four classes. 18 credits. I wanted to try to get a job next term too to earn some money to pay for school in the spring. I don't know why I do this to myself. I also realized that when teachers release their lists of books needed, I'll still be in California. Which means unless there's an act of God, I'm buying all my books from the bookstore at full price.

But I don't want to depress myself tonight. I'll try to stay calm and end Thanksgiving on a good note. But really though, thank God for creativity. And senses of humor.

Eric: It's a weird job...

hey grammar... DEFY!

I don't need a lot of things, but those things do help a lot when the time comes around that I could use them.

I'm not your typical student, let alone your typical person.

I've beaten my body up to the point where my bones aren't strong enough to withstand a good size jump. I won't break my legs or anything, but I ALWAYS feel it in the morning. Then, of course, there's my Orville Redenbacher pop walk... I can't walk around with sounding like movie-ready popcorn half the time. :/

I'm a failure in a lot of senses, it's too bad none of them matter then i might list them... but since they don't... i won't.

i'm not without a conscience. I'll lie awake for hours knowing that by doing even the most minuscule thing, i ruined someone's day.

i can't stand will ferrel.

where is all this leading to?

pretty much my vendetta to save the world... not from will ferrel.

i wonder if i could stand being the world's most hated man :o

just a query...

how am i going to save the world you might ask?

with a splash of 5150.

:P

Anna: "When you grow up, your heart dies"

So I felt like I should update everyone on my life, and seeing as how I don't want to explain this ten thousand times.....

I made an appointment for a counselor today. So hopefully, if everything works out, I'm going to start going to therapy. Why? Because I need it. I've needed it for years. Its a shame that I only realized last night how fucked up I really am. So hopefully I can get some help and quit feeling so depressed and borderline suicidal all the time.

My first appointment isn't until December 10, the last day of finals, which is nerve-wracking. I'm counting on next weekend's retreat to keep me going for the rest of November before I go into the session and then come home for Christmas.

But besides that. I have yet to start my homework for this weekend, because my emotional breakdown came at such a perfect time as to render me incapable of feeling motivation for anything. I'm counting on making a sad effort tomorrow to get stuff done for Monday. Of course this is when I have a big project due in my Sustainability class.

I would like to make a huge shout-out to Heaven here, because if it weren't for her last night I have no idea what state I'd be in right now. Thank you so much. My roommate is still blissfully unaware.

On a happier note, there's a retreat next weekend. The Leonid Meteor Shower is right after that, which I hope to God I'll be able to see (if its raining that night I might just lose it completely). And I went clothes shopping yesterday, which means another laundry-free day in my week.

Anyway, I don't have much else I want to say other than that. Can't wait to see you all at Christmas.

Heaven: Hearts Like Birds

"The Prophet said, 'Those whose hearts are like the hearts of birds will enter Paradise."

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my spirituality. I believe in God. I believe that God is everywhere, but at the same time, he is nowhere. He cares about his creations, but will do nothing to help them. I believe in the Earth because God has given her life and a purpose, to nurse and to nurture. I believe in positive thought, but not answered prayers. If I want something, God cannot simply grant it to me-- I must work for it.

I know I am a hypocrite. I claim Love and Acceptance, but have a hard time accepting people who claim the same thing but do not act on it. Does this mean that I am becoming one of them, like one of the "stereotypical Christians." I love everything they do not love, but I do not accept their intolerance. I am intolerant of intolerance.

Everything is a paradox.

But I have always wanted to be a bird, so now I must strive to have a heart like a bird. I do not desire to enter Paradise-- I believe I'm going in the ground when I die, to become sustanance for the life that will continue on after me. I don't necessarily want to be remembered worldwide for any great deeds (unless you consider being the leader of the social revolution and dying a martyr a great deed), but simply as a good person by the people I love.

But how can I be a good person when I cannot accept entirely? I can be tolerant, but that is not accepting.

"May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect."


Everything is a contradiction. Everything is uncertain.

Jessica (AJ): When the Zombies had an extra hour to play

Technically, I guess daylight savings began after 1:59am this morning..so Halloween lasted the same as always- however the drunk people around campus now have more time to recover I suppose. Not to worry, despite the abundance of parties, I didn't do anything but dress up, get candy, and play video games. My friends and I did get a spontaneous invitation to a party when we tried to get candy from one of the houses though.
I hope everyone else had a safe and fun Halloween! I saw a lot of pictures, and between costumes and free Chipotle, it looked like a good time. One more month until Thanksgiving! And a little bit more until Christmas! I can not wait until we all get together again.
I read your blog Yvette- my life isn't really that exciting either, I'm a bit of a hermit compared to the rest of the people in the dorms. What a surprise....
There's also another Chem midterm coming up, so I shall be doing that endless routine of studying again.
There are a couple of perks though. Next semester I might be starting on a weapon in Wushu. I'm thinking about getting either a staff or a long sword. ^-^
November 8, Berkeley will be trying to break the world record for the longest California roll- and I'll be participating- and eating the finished product.
I've managed to find some good friends to share an apartment with so that I won't be homeless this coming summer. As much as I think the hobos are friendly, living with them is where I draw the line.
I don't know what to say. This is mostly an update of what I'm looking forward to now that half the semester is over.
Good LUCK on midterms for those who have it soon!