AJ: Searching for that Renaissance "perfection"

There are so many things here in college. This semester, I had my schedule all planned out. I would take Music, Ochem, Math, English, Erhu, and Wushu - 15 units
I ended up not getting into English at all, not getting enough units and frantically signing up for as much units waitlisted as I could.
Now I have Ochem, Math, ended up taking Music singing and Music composition, Erhu, Music Cultures, Wushu and I got into American Sign Language class. This is 20 units. I might kill myself with this- especially since I'm looking into a job too.
I'm feeling very reluctant, but I'm going to have to give up ASL. I can't handle so many things at once. This still means I have 18 units; which is still quite a bit, especially for Berkeley.

On the other hand, I've accomplished a few things.

I can do the splits now- on my left side. Due to a very VERY painful stretching session yesterday. I'm still sore. I can't go down the stairs without feeling pain, but I suppose this is a good sign.

I'm an alto! At least that's what my music comp. class deems me. I can sing from a low D to a high G. Two and a quarter octaves.

My singing class though, deems me a soprano. There will be a lot of voice cracking occuring here. (=-=')''''

Anna: HJHS

Half-Jack.

Its amazing how the smallest thing has the largest effect on my day. On my mood for the next few months.

I have no purpose in my life. No motivation, no dreams. For me, its the worst feeling in the world.

I miss Daddy. I wish I knew what it was like to have one, like almost everyone else I know. :( I would give anything to be able to see him smile at me. I don't wanna go to Heaven if he's not there, because it won't be Heaven without him.

I have no reason to be depressed all the time, but sadly that's what happens. I don't know what's going on.

I'm never satisfied. I think its my own fault I'm never happy.

I wish I could trust in God a little more, and maybe I could put my life together and make it look roughly like something meaningful.

But my New Year's Resolution is to not give in to my depression. I intend to try as hard as I damn can to fulfill that, even if it proves to be impossible. At this point, I don't really have any other choice.

Hello Seattle.

Heaven: Wild World

Recently I've been telling myself that everything happens for a reason, even if it's not how you expected it to happen. What's done is done, and there's no going back to change anything.

These past three weeks have been some of the best days I've had in months, and I wish they didn't have to come to an end. But, alas, they are. We're going to have to put all these parties and planning committees on hold, but I feel that being apart from one another just brings us closer together. I always thought that philosophy was bullshit, but I'm feeling it. I'm not sure about you guys, but I'm feeling it.

Things are pretty crazy for all of us, but I always feel like all the good and the bad that weighs on me is neutralized when I'm with you guys. It sort of balances itself out rather than building up. Whatever the feeling is, thanks, friends. Comrades. You're my brother(s) and my sisters (and my husband and lesbian lover and what have you), but no matter what I call you--

You are my Family.

Jessica (AJ) - And the world keeps on spinning

I really thought that the hardest thing that I had to face this week was my Chem final. The three hour long test that's worth 40% of my grade; the hardest most complicated problems they can come up with to make you doubt every move you make. I made it through Saturday's night final with minimal damage. It was even fun, afterwards. 4 hours of hot cocoa, smores, and Wii.
Then a small movie night with Glee and Jackie Chan's Adventures and oversleeping.
The only thing I'd had to worry about this morning was editing some essays, and practice for my singing final. Math's wasn't until Friday.
I finally recieved my sword today.
I have plans to watch Wicked after break.
I'll get to go shopping for Christmas gifts tomorrow with friends.
I'll get to come home after one week.
But my view has shifted slightly. It just won't seem as exciting, and merry anymore. Like there's a pane of glass blocking, numbing the impact of every emotion. But behind the glass -
I took a long walk today
And I played the piano, for a good two and a half hours.
All the time for me to think things through, how to comfort my mom now insteading of needing her to hold up everything.

My cousin made a really good choice though, when she decided not to tell me anything until after my final today. I might have been a bit too worried and nervous otherwise to even sing correctly. As if I wasn't nervous about sight singing enough by itself.
So- my grandma had a heart attack, or something related to that yesterday morning. It's a rather critical condition; she's in ICU, but my mom and aunts and uncles have all found the earliest flights to Hong Kong. They'll all be there by tomorrow. They're all afraid.
It's been rather ironic. The fact that they have been planning to visit this winter. Only, not because of this, not in this way.
I think I can be slightly thankful though. That it will be Christmas break, and I will soon be able to get through this with family and friends, very very soon.

A lot has happened this year to all of us. So much change.

Zach - A Day in the Life

So I don't know if I have mentioned this before or not, and as it is midnight I do not particularly feel like looking back on my former posts, I will tell you again, for the first time. I have created some "academic" goals for myself, some of which have been completed. I set out to see the stars under the Star Trees, which are the biggest trees on any college campus, I think. I also want to follow squirrel until I find where the squirrels hide the pocket change. But today's academic goal is a different one. Today, I will experience an entire day, starting now. I will be awake for all of Sunday.

I will be up from midnight to midnight, no sleeping. and I will get to experience an entire day, from end to end. I am kinda excited, even though this means I won't be sleeping for a while. I will be letting you know how this goes when the day ends, until then, I'll be staying awake.

So the twenty-four hours are up. And I meant to write the end of this seventeen hours ago, but then I discovered I was tired and had three finals today. So I went to bed and slept for twelve hours.

The twenty-four hours passed really quickly. I started off by finishing a short story for my creative writing class final, which I think turned out fairly well, not the best, but certainly not bad. Whenever I got tired I played a game of hand ping-pong with one of the several other people who were staying awake with me. It was nice.

After I finished my short story at like two or three in the morning, we watched the Office nonstop until like ten thirty or eleven. After that we went out to get doughnuts at King Doughnuts. Old-fashioned maple doughnuts. Seventy cents of deliciousness.

Next was a shower. Not only did this help me stay awake, it was needed. Enough said.

Then we all met up again and we did homework/I worked on writing a children's book. I didn't get as far as I wanted, but I will be done by the time I leave school.

I don't even know where the time went, but it was a lot of fun staying up with everyone, we hung out and watched a lot of the Office, which was the closest I got to sleeping. There were only four out of the original eight who made it all the way, the other four fell asleep during the Office or for no reason whatsoever, except maybe lack of sleep.

We went to dinner which everyone was awake for, although it would have been hilarious if someone fell asleep at dinner.

Then me and my friend Lauren went to church. I was awake for all of it, but I had to make sure Lauren stayed awake. She did, but she almost fell asleep a few times.

We ended the night with Midnight breakfast. My school hold breakfast the night before finals from ten to midnight, I got some chocolate pancakes and it was awesome.

Then I finally went to sleep. It was a nice day. :)

Just a side note. My finals three finals today went pretty good, not amazing, but pretty good. I think I got a C in piano, but who cares about that class, hopefully an A in Creative Writing, and I think I got a B in Psychology, and if I did then I get a B+ in the class, but if I am lucky enough to have gotten an A then I think I get an A- in the class, which would be awesome. Four finals down, two to go. :)

Jessica (AJ) - The Best Advice

It's finally December! Sorry Heaven, but yes, I'm one of those that enjoy the cold weather. There are cosy blankets to look forward to and hot cocoa, people to huddle in circles with, and winter break!

So I've just recuperated from some horrific massive studying for my last and final Chem midterm and Wushu belt testing. Saturday, I decided to let myself relax just a little bit. I just came back from a day of filming with a couple of friends at some abandoned military building ... yes, it sounds slightly dangerous and is a bit on the trespassing side of things. However, it looks like a genuine scene and our worst case scenario(avoiding police) did not occur so, everything went well. Never had I wanted to have taken photography in high school more. My friend Sue and I only had about 10 minutes to learn all the info about shutter speeds, light, exposure, ect. then off to the set. Although it was crew work, such as audio, props, and I happened to end up as stunt double for trials, it was amazingly fun. We shot about 10 scenes for an action movie trailer and ended with a just-for-fun photoshoot. And everyone discovered that I had a rather menacing glare- but I guess you guys all know about that already. ^-^ I'd love to post pictures, but unfortunately I don't have the camera that took them.

The rest of my Saturday was spent going to a Wushu banquet to celebrate the end of the semester and almost the end of testing. Naturally, we had dinner at a Chinese restaurant. My fortune said.

" Your closest friends will give you great advice this week."
I plan to find you people online very soon.

The rest of the evening was spent at Yogurtland where I bought my largest cup of frozen yogurt yet- worth $5.65 and came with a free T-shirt for my efforts. And Wushu, eventually watching the Kung Fu video footage from the 50's and 70's when they had amazing forms and kung fu moves. There's one form where they teach their children :
1 - Break rocks over their heads.
2 - Lie under a sheet of long wood with 72 iron boxes placed over this wood and still survive.
3- Bend and break a spear using the throat.
4- Use their son's head to crack walnuts.
They have animals forms like eagle, serpent, tiger, dog, mantis and monkey, but also drunken fist, duck and that one I mentioned above, which are crazy and unbelievable.

The whole thing is quite epic. I would really like to show it to you if I have a chance. This was my Saturday so far. I want to wish that every weekend would be so eventful but still, this is Berkeley. Schoolwork always comes first and my main priority is to finish an essay by Thursday, and review for my Chemistry, Music and Math finals. I shall see how much I can accomplish when I truely set my mind to it. Let these two weeks be productive as I study for finals; my reward, we'll reunite for a nice, long, relaxing winter break.
I'll see everyone soon!

I have my next semester's schedule hopefully, I'm taking:
- Organic Chem w/ 5 hours of lab and discussion
- Asian American Studies- English
- Music Theory
- Calculus 2
- Wushu
- Erhu
- Chinese

Heaven: December... Again

God, I hate this weather. It's cold. It's dark outside. It will be wet. I wish everything could be warmth and sunshine all the time. But you know how it goes. I start complaining about the weather and the bird migrations. I get sad and depressed. I start thinking-- scratch that-- I start brooding. I know that you all are fans of fog and rain and clouds, jumping in puddles and the whatnot, but it's just not for me.

I'm in for another long winter.