AJ: Insignificants

I see it's been a bit lonely over in this corner of the world. Busy lives, errands, and career goals can do that to you. I thought I would just take some time to ramble, especially since I can't seem to garble up any energy to accomplish anything until I managed to get it all out somewhere.
I started the day at seven, busied myself for ten hours, tried to fill myself up with all the sugar, videos and indulgences, but it seems my heart won't still until I put it in an outlet. So, here it is.
The background story is that Ryan and I broke up approximately six months ago. Nonetheless, even if we weren't always a traditional couple, we aren't magnificent at breaking up either. Perhaps it's my interdependent nature, perhaps it's because now I'm far away from my close family, most friends, and of course, you, I ended up spending all my extra time with Ryan despite the breakup. In truth and retrospect, I had hopes we'd somehow repair whatever gap we had found ourselves in. Delusional, hopeful thoughts, and silly, but I couldn't help it.I'm a romantic at the core. Now we're back at the beginning, maybe the beginning of the end?
I still feel as if I can tell him what I would to my closest of friends and vice-versa. He still feels the need to treat me and be close by. Just like the beginning- mixed messages, confiding, yet no real significance.
We've talked it out though, he's been moving on. I can't move quite as fast, but I can at least give up useless daydreams. I wanted to drop these thoughts off. Off into a safe, insignificant little medium and free myself to pick up significant things. Maybe Ryan was right, I did seem overly content with life, boring, and dependent. I'm scared of change, but it's not true I have no dreams. I've been dallying, I've been putting my dreams into the wrong place, I've procrastinated and I've been lazy. I hope to put these thoughts here to rest and pick up the dreams that matter.